The group is at the Sunrise Diner when Leslie walks in.
Frances: Look what the cat dragged in!
Leslie: Sorry I’m late, I overslept.
Diane: We were just ordering drinks, you’re fine.
Charlotte: Hope orange juice is fine for you.
Leslie: I just brushed my teeth, but I can make do.
Frances: You can have my chocolate milk.
Leslie: Thank you, you’re my hero.
Sam: I’m just going to address the elephant in the room. Leslie, why in the hell are you dressed like that?
Garry: I think her outfit’s nice!
Sam: You would.
Garry: You always say that! It gets tiring!
Leslie: I actually appreciate you pointing it out, Sam. I am dressed for Halloween, because our next show will be Halloween-themed. I want to get in the spirit early.
Sam: Leslie, it’s August.
Leslie: Not for long, tomorrow is September and that’s when I really get into fall.
Diane: I can relate to that, I love fall. I think it’s just the most magical season of the year. It’s all about change and progression, that’s beautiful.
Sam: What a bunch of claptrap.
Frances: What made you decide on a Halloween episode this year? You swore last year we’d never do one again. In fact, you swore off holiday episodes in general.
Leslie: I changed my mind.
Frances: Is it, perchance, because you realized that the Halloween Bakes Challenge actually got a bit more under your skin than you previously admitted?
Leslie: They’re not doing a who season of Halloween bakes unanswered. This is going to be our biggest, spookiest, most elaborate Halloween show ever. In fact, it’ll be the most elaborate Halloween episode of any show ever.
Sam: I’m not buying a costume.
Diane: No need to, you’re scary enough without one.
Leslie: The costuming department already has your costumes picked out, so no need to worry. The props department helped, too.
Sam: Ah, well thank god for that. I was worried sick about it.
Leslie: Happy to help!
Charlotte: Why did the props department have to help with our costumes?
Leslie: You’ll see! You’ll all see.
Diane: That was such a creepy way to word that.
Leslie: It was certainly intentional.
Frances: She’s going to start cackling like a witch any second now and that poor teenaged waitress is going to get so scared, she’ll call 9-1-1 and have her institutionalized.
Sam: Would that be the worst thing for her?
The next week, on the set…
Paul: Wow, Leslie. You’re really in the spooky spirit.
Leslie: I have to be! In order to produce a truly great Halloween show, you have to be in the Halloween mood yourself. I watched five slasher films over the weekend, I’ve never been happier.
Paul: You sure do love Halloween.
Leslie: It’s the perfect holiday for me. Dazzling costumes, you watch spooky movies on TV, you listen to Stevie Nicks music, you eat sweets. I can’t find a more fitting holiday than that for someone in the entertainment industry.
Paul: If I may ask, what is your costume?
Leslie: I’m the ghost of Marie Antoinette. What’s your costume?
Paul: I wasn’t aware I was supposed to wear one.
Sam: You weren’t, she’s just nuts.
Diane: Union-buster is a scary enough look on you, Paul.
Paul: I corrected that situation and you know that.
Diane: Doesn’t change how I feel about what you did to begin with. I began to develop trust in you and then you do that.
Sam: That was your mistake, he’s always been a snake.
Frances: That’d be a good costume, better get to Party City, Paul.
Leslie: No arguing, we’re celebrating a wonder holiday today. Let’s remain jubilant.
Sam: Halloween is two months away, we aren’t ruining any holidays today.
Paul: Actually, I have some news that may ruin Halloween.
Sam: Dammit, Paul. You wanna see her cry?
Garry: You’ve been complaining about it since you found out we were doing it.
Sam: Don’t get hung up on a technicality, Garry!
Leslie: What’s the problem, Paul?
Paul: The set designers need another day to get the set ready. You requested something so elaborate, they had to call in reinforcements just to have it ready by then.
Leslie: Is it the dancing skeletons?
Paul: I think they’re having trouble tracking down a “haunted grandfather clock,” among other issues.
Leslie: Why was I not informed about this earlier? I am the producer, they answer to me!
Diane: Please don’t fire them. They’re union, I’ll have to quit the show if you fire them for this, or else I’m a hypocrite.
Leslie: Look at me! I’m dressed like an idiot!
Paul: I’m sorry, there seems to have been a communication failure here. I apologize for it.
Sam: You should’ve seen her at the diner today. Giant fluffy dress, full face of white ghost makeup, trying not to get pancake syrup onto it. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in years. To know that it was all done in vain makes it all the funnier.
Leslie: Why do you enjoy suffering?
Charlotte: She looked like she was in an episode of What We Do In The Shadows.
Sam: She did!
Diane: I don’t watch that show, it’s too scary for me.
Sam: Not as scary as that face Leslie’s making right now.
Leslie: Tomorrow my perfect Halloween begins. Until then, I’m going to my office to wipe this off my face and change into something not so ridiculous.
Garry: That’s the spirit, Leslie! Things will get better! Your vision of a Halloween spectacle will be realized!
Leslie: You sure?
Garry: I don’t know, I’m just trying to be a supportive friend. You want a lot of crazy stuff for this episode. Whatever happens, it’ll be good, even if it’s not all you’ve dreamed of.
Leslie: I will get this done! It is achievable, it is within reach.
Sam: In what universe?
Leslie: Ours!
Sam: Oh, honey.
Later that night, at dinner…
Frances: Marie… can I call ya Marie? Or is it Ms. Antoinette?
Leslie: Not funny.
Charlotte: What is tomorrow’s costume? Zombie Mary, Queen of Scots?
Leslie: I’m not wearing a costume tomorrow, I’m not about to embarrass myself again.
Garry: Speaking of tomorrow… we actually wanted to talk about what you have planned as far as the baking is concerned.
Leslie: Oh, tear me down some more, why don’t ya?
Frances: This was Garry’s idea. Again, Garry’s idea.
Garry: What you’re asking the bakers to do in the specialty challenge is far too complicated to do in one day. You want them to build a gingerbread house that reflects how they celebrate Halloween, with gingerbread made from scratch. That’s hours of work, you’re going to have to add another filming day.
Frances: Again, this was Garry’s idea. But he’s right.
Leslie: We’ve done gingerbread before on the show.
Garry: Not to this scale.
Charlotte: I’m in full agreement despite not knowing how any of this works.
Sam: A judge on the most popular baking program of all-time, folks.
Leslie: Today’s not my day.
Melanie: I liked your costume!
Leslie: The costume is the least of my worries! I already lost a day of filming, now I have t extend the shoot schedule.
Frances: You could always change the specialty challenge to something else. Something that doesn’t take ten hours to prepare. Our bakers have been run ragged this season, I’m sure they’d appreciate it.
Leslie: No! We have to do the gingerbread houses. We have the baking supplies already, we don’t want them to spoil. Plus, it’s too late to think up a new challenge.
Frances: Then we will make it work with the longer filming schedule.
Diane: We do get like three days of work off each week, not including the weekends.
Leslie: I don’t!
Sam: Yes, she only gets two days of work off a week! Think of the poor baby!
Leslie: And this week it’ll be zero! A nightmare!
Sam: Wow, a Hollywood producer working a normal five-day workweek. That might kill her.
Leslie: Can you stop making fun of me? Ten hours a day in a studio or in the editing room is a lot of work for anyone.
Sam: I understand.
Garry: Oh my god, it’s learning empathy!
Sam: Look, Bo Peep -
Leslie: Marie Antoinette!
Sam: Bo Peep. It’s one week of extended working hours so we can put together a great show. You wanna outdo the Halloween Bakes Challenge, don’t you?
Leslie: Of course!
Sam: Well, we’re going to, thanks to you. That work is worth it!
Garry: I thought you didn’t want to do a Halloween special?
Sam: Garry, I’m trying to make her feel better after you made her feel worse!
Garry: Sorry, I was just asking.
Leslie: I’m just so stressed about it all coming together. I want it perfect, I’m such a perfectionist.
Diane: It will be perfect. We have the most talented set design team in the business.
Leslie: They brought in backup. What if the backups aren’t as good?
Charlotte: You think Paul would risk an inferior set team being brought in to work on the crown jewel of his network?
Diane: Well, he did fire the workers on Freddy & William so he could get a cheaper crew…
Charlotte: That’s Freddy & William, no one even watches that show.
Diane: Ain’t that the truth?
Frances: So, can we shelve the Halloween conversation and talk about something fun? Apparently this is our only day off this week, might as well enjoy it.
Leslie: We haven’t let Melanie talk, we should probably ask her how her day’s gone.
Melanie: Your problems are much more interesting than mine. I don’t think anyone needs to hear about the clogged toilet in room 304.
Frances: I would honestly rather hear that than one of Garry’s stories about his baby watching Sesame Street.
Garry: I’m right here!
Frances: I know, that’s why I can say it. I’m a bitch, but not a traitor. I say things to your face, I don’t gossip.
Sam: I’ve taught her well.
Leslie: You’re right, Frances. This is fun.
The next day, at the studio…
Paul: Leslie! No costume today?
Leslie: Nope, right to business. No time for play. We’re going to have to extend the filming process to three days, the specialty challenge is too intricate for it to be completed in full today.
Paul: That’s not the only problem today, Leslie.
Leslie: What’s with that look on your face, Paul? What happened?
Paul: The set… is not quite as we had envisioned it.
Leslie: In what way, Paul?
Paul: Why are you talking like you’re Kathy Bates in Misery?
Leslie: I don’t know what you mean, Paul.
Paul: Anyway, Annie… the set is not quite as we had envisioned.
Leslie: In what way?
Paul: It’s a little less big-budget horror and more… indie psychological thriller.
Leslie: In English, please.
Paul: No dancing skeletons, no haunted house façade, no -
Leslie: What did they put together, exactly?
Paul: Well, they switched out the beach background for a haunted forest background -
Leslie: Bare minimum.
Paul: They gave a horror makeover to the baking stations, and they got dry ice to add fog.
Leslie: What about the haunted chandelier? The
Paul: Also, we couldn’t get the rights to the score you wanted to use in the episode, so we had to go with a different one.
Leslie: Any other dreams to crush?
Paul: How about you go check out the set and let me know?
Leslie: That response frightens me.
Paul: Leslie, keep your chin up. It’s going to be a good show, it’s going to blow the socks off everyone.
Leslie: Will it outdo the Halloween Bakes Challenge?
Paul: That low-budget schlock-fest? Of course.
Leslie: Maybe I should have worn a costume today. So I can really feel the role.
Diane: You should not have worn a costume. No one else should deal with this hell.
Leslie: Diane, you look amazing!
Diane: It’s so itchy! Who would’ve thought a Raggedy Ann dress could be itchy?
Sam: At least you’re not dressed as… Jill Biden? Frances, what is that?
Frances: I’m Bette Davis in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane. The greatest movie of all-time. Who are you supposed to be?
Sam: I’m Beetlejuice!
Frances: Oh…
Garry: She really embodies the role, don’t you think? She’s been in character for the better part of six years.
Charlotte: No one’s noticed my costume yet!
Leslie: No time for you to explain it, to work we go! We’ll make do with whatever horror awaits us in there.
Paul: It’s not that bad…
Leslie: After this week, I don’t believe you.
Two days later, in Sam’s dressing room…
Sam: Who are we going to send home? This has been the Halloween from hell!
Charlotte: I think the better question is who’s going to be top baker. They all did awful!
Sam: Can we all just agree that this is Leslie’s fault?
Leslie: How is it my fault that everyone collectively decided to have their worst showings of the competition?
Garry: That gingerbread house bake was a disaster and it really set the mood. I’ve never seen all of them look so shaken and insecure before. So, I guess it was your fault in a way, since you insisted on doing that.
Leslie: Gingerbread houses are baking 101, if they can’t do that, it’s their own fault.
Frances: Gingerbread houses, sure. Not four foot gingerbread palaces that resemble Vlad the Impaler’s summer home or the house from Rocky Horror.
Diane: on the plus side, the set was pretty spooky.
Sam: Especially when Garry accidentally tripped over a bucket of dry ice and burned himself.
Garry: I was sabotaged by a ghost.
Sam: Or sabotaged by your own stupidity.
Garry: You are a bully.
Sam: I’m sorry, I can’t take you seriously while you’re dressed like Shrek’s wimp cousin.
Garry: My daughter picked out this costume!
Sam: She seems to have more disdain for you than I do!
Leslie: Be honest, everyone. Did we at least outdo the Halloween Bakes Challenge this week?
Frances: If that’s what you need to hear, Leslie.
Leslie: I want to hear the truth!
Diane: I think it was a great show. The set is really cool, even if it’s not up to your vision. Our costumes are great. The bakes weren’t up to the usual standards, but that’s okay. They were still well-done and festive.
Charlotte: I think it’s very fitting that Halloween week is when the bakes turned into a horror show. I can think of no better time for that to happen, actually.
Leslie: I hope next year’s show isn’t this messy.
Sam: This is not happening again next year. No way. This has been the most stressful week in this history of this show, and that includes the time I quit.
Leslie: I won’t be so high-strung next year, I promise!
Sam: I don’t believe you.
Leslie: Next year, I’m just going to manage my expectations and plan a show that I know I can pull off.
Frances: You say this every year…
Leslie: I mean it this time. Too much stress this year, not enough enjoying the moment.
Sam: Speaking of enjoying the moment, who’s going home?
Frances: Oh, right. We were so busy comforting Leslie over this disaster, I forgot we still have a job to do.
Garry: I think Trevor was the best?
Frances: Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that.
Charlotte: Olivia had a rough week.
Diane: No, she cant go yet!
Frances: Diane, you’e not a judge. You don’t get a say.
Diane: She’s my favorite! I’ll scream bloody murder!
Sam: I think that would add to the mood Leslie was looking for in this episode.
Leslie: Okay, I’m going to let you guys deliberate on this for a while. Diane, you can come with me.
Diane: Why can’t I stay?
Leslie: I think you know why. Come on, we can go bobbing for apples or something.
Diane: I can’t ruin my makeup!
Leslie: Does it even matter at this point?
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
