Setting: Airplane from Connecticut
Josh
You doing good Andrew?
Andrew
Yeah. You know I don't like planes but us being there means a lot to your family. After all, didn't you skip the last one?
Josh
I was on a retreat, remember? I told you about it on our second date.
Andrew
Oh yeah. By the way do your parents know when we're getting there?
Josh
They know when I'm getting there.
Andrew
What do you mean?
Josh
Well you see...I haven't exactly told them about us.
Andrew
So they actually think you're still with another guy?
Josh
Well...I didn't exactly tell them about that whole thing either.
Andrew
You met me nine yours ago and told me you had boyfriends before me.
Josh
I didn't tell them though. You see, I'm not really sure how they'd even react. Dad's been in the 1980s forever and Mom's viewpoints have already been made.
Andrew
I'm sure they'll understand, they have to love all their kids, right?
Josh
I don't know, I think they'll already be a little mad that I've only talked to them once a year for the past 15 years.
Andrew
If they don't understand, we can always just leave and have our own little vacation. You don't talk to them much anyway and I've never even seen them so there's not a whole lot to lose.
Josh
Maybe we just go as "friends". We don't want to break my Mom's heart on her 70th birthday.
Andrew
We'll figure it out. Hey, we could have it worse. Didn't your brother insist on driving his family all the way from Ohio?
Josh
Idaho.
Andrew
We have nothing on them. Poor wife and kids.
Josh
True. At least I don't hate you.
Andrew
And we have no grandchildren for them to feel bad for either! Even if they don't like what's going on between us, you still might be doing the least damage of all their kids.
Josh
Yeah I'm really not sure why they even want us to get together honestly. I hope nobody is sick.
Andrew
The few times they talk to you they keep saying they have money problems.
Josh
Yeah as if it's any different for us.
Andrew
Still...you have to wonder if there are any underlying motives for this whole thing.
Josh
Oh I definitely think there's something behind this. Hopefully the news is that Dad has decided to move on from the 1980s.
Andrew
Oh no, not memory loss!
Flight Attendant (now approaching)
Can I get you gays anything else to drink?
Josh
Gays?
Flight Attendant
Sorry, I meant guys. I'm not used to dealing with people of your lifestyle.
Josh
Um...we're good, thanks.
(Flight Attendant walks away.)
Andrew
Josh, this guy automatically has "gay" in his head when he comes up to us and thinks this is a lifestyle. If anything, this time with your parents is going to be a break for us.
Josh
You know what? You're right. Let's relax and move on from this.
(Cut to the plane landing and Andrew and Josh walking into the airport.)
Andrew
How did you say we're getting to your parents' house again?
Josh
I rented a car.
Andrew (pointing ahead and to his right)
Alright the car rental booth is right over there.
Josh (walking up to the booth)
Hi, Josh Cross, I placed a rental car order a couple weeks ago?
Car Rental Person
Yes, here are your keys. Sign here and you're all set.
Josh
Thanks!
(Josh and Andrew head to the car.)
Andrew
Josh, looks like there's a lot of traffic getting out of here.
Josh
I'm sure it'll be fine, we can deal with it.
Andrew
If you say so. Let's go to your parents' house.
(Cut to an hour later)
Andrew
So...didn't you say their house was half an hour away?
Josh
Yeah that was without traffic.
Andrew
You call this traffic? We're practically in a parking lot! At least with traffic, cars move a little bit. How much longer?
Josh
According to my phone...about two and a half more hours.
Andrew
That's it, I'm getting out.
Josh
Good idea, stretch our legs a little bit.
Andrew
Nope. I'm walking there.
Josh
It's two and a half hours away though.
Andrew
By car. We're only a mile out.
Josh
So we'll just walk down the side of the highway then? Sounds safe?
Andrew
We have feet for a reason.
Josh
What about the rental car?
Andrew
It'll make a good story for the local news. Let's go.
Josh
Alright then.
(Cut to half an hour later, getting close to Brian and Fran's house [Josh's parents]).
Josh
This is something.
Andrew
As I said, the local news will love this. It's just a matter of which channel airs it first.
Josh
Alright, we're here. I have $100 in my pocket. Just got a text from my nephew Chris that my dad is expecting we all got presents for my mom so screw all the money in my wallet.
Andrew
We could go to a store and buy her something.
Josh
Or we could only make the local news once.
Andrew
Let's head to the door then. Here goes nothing.
(Josh rings the doorbell).
Brian
Hey Josh! Have your husband there with you?
Josh
How did you--
Brian
I'm only kidding, nice to meet you Mr. Josh's Friend!
You doing good Andrew?
Andrew
Yeah. You know I don't like planes but us being there means a lot to your family. After all, didn't you skip the last one?
Josh
I was on a retreat, remember? I told you about it on our second date.
Andrew
Oh yeah. By the way do your parents know when we're getting there?
Josh
They know when I'm getting there.
Andrew
What do you mean?
Josh
Well you see...I haven't exactly told them about us.
Andrew
So they actually think you're still with another guy?
Josh
Well...I didn't exactly tell them about that whole thing either.
Andrew
You met me nine yours ago and told me you had boyfriends before me.
Josh
I didn't tell them though. You see, I'm not really sure how they'd even react. Dad's been in the 1980s forever and Mom's viewpoints have already been made.
Andrew
I'm sure they'll understand, they have to love all their kids, right?
Josh
I don't know, I think they'll already be a little mad that I've only talked to them once a year for the past 15 years.
Andrew
If they don't understand, we can always just leave and have our own little vacation. You don't talk to them much anyway and I've never even seen them so there's not a whole lot to lose.
Josh
Maybe we just go as "friends". We don't want to break my Mom's heart on her 70th birthday.
Andrew
We'll figure it out. Hey, we could have it worse. Didn't your brother insist on driving his family all the way from Ohio?
Josh
Idaho.
Andrew
We have nothing on them. Poor wife and kids.
Josh
True. At least I don't hate you.
Andrew
And we have no grandchildren for them to feel bad for either! Even if they don't like what's going on between us, you still might be doing the least damage of all their kids.
Josh
Yeah I'm really not sure why they even want us to get together honestly. I hope nobody is sick.
Andrew
The few times they talk to you they keep saying they have money problems.
Josh
Yeah as if it's any different for us.
Andrew
Still...you have to wonder if there are any underlying motives for this whole thing.
Josh
Oh I definitely think there's something behind this. Hopefully the news is that Dad has decided to move on from the 1980s.
Andrew
Oh no, not memory loss!
Flight Attendant (now approaching)
Can I get you gays anything else to drink?
Josh
Gays?
Flight Attendant
Sorry, I meant guys. I'm not used to dealing with people of your lifestyle.
Josh
Um...we're good, thanks.
(Flight Attendant walks away.)
Andrew
Josh, this guy automatically has "gay" in his head when he comes up to us and thinks this is a lifestyle. If anything, this time with your parents is going to be a break for us.
Josh
You know what? You're right. Let's relax and move on from this.
(Cut to the plane landing and Andrew and Josh walking into the airport.)
Andrew
How did you say we're getting to your parents' house again?
Josh
I rented a car.
Andrew (pointing ahead and to his right)
Alright the car rental booth is right over there.
Josh (walking up to the booth)
Hi, Josh Cross, I placed a rental car order a couple weeks ago?
Car Rental Person
Yes, here are your keys. Sign here and you're all set.
Josh
Thanks!
(Josh and Andrew head to the car.)
Andrew
Josh, looks like there's a lot of traffic getting out of here.
Josh
I'm sure it'll be fine, we can deal with it.
Andrew
If you say so. Let's go to your parents' house.
(Cut to an hour later)
Andrew
So...didn't you say their house was half an hour away?
Josh
Yeah that was without traffic.
Andrew
You call this traffic? We're practically in a parking lot! At least with traffic, cars move a little bit. How much longer?
Josh
According to my phone...about two and a half more hours.
Andrew
That's it, I'm getting out.
Josh
Good idea, stretch our legs a little bit.
Andrew
Nope. I'm walking there.
Josh
It's two and a half hours away though.
Andrew
By car. We're only a mile out.
Josh
So we'll just walk down the side of the highway then? Sounds safe?
Andrew
We have feet for a reason.
Josh
What about the rental car?
Andrew
It'll make a good story for the local news. Let's go.
Josh
Alright then.
(Cut to half an hour later, getting close to Brian and Fran's house [Josh's parents]).
Josh
This is something.
Andrew
As I said, the local news will love this. It's just a matter of which channel airs it first.
Josh
Alright, we're here. I have $100 in my pocket. Just got a text from my nephew Chris that my dad is expecting we all got presents for my mom so screw all the money in my wallet.
Andrew
We could go to a store and buy her something.
Josh
Or we could only make the local news once.
Andrew
Let's head to the door then. Here goes nothing.
(Josh rings the doorbell).
Brian
Hey Josh! Have your husband there with you?
Josh
How did you--
Brian
I'm only kidding, nice to meet you Mr. Josh's Friend!