KYLIE, NICOLE, SASHA, AUSTIN, TREVOR, and BLAKE are at their cubicles. It is their first day back in the office from their winter break.
SASHA
So, how was everyone’s winter break?
AUSTIN
Pretty good, actually.
NICOLE
Yeah I wasn’t expecting to enjoy New Years’ Eve as much as I did.
BLAKE
Mine was alright. Better than usual.
TREVOR
I slept a good 10 hours every night so…not bad.
KYLIE
I probably had the best winter break of everyone here. I’ll spare you the details, don’t want you all to get jealous.
KYLIE INTERVIEW
I stayed home with my cat for two weeks.
TREVOR
How about you, Sasha?
SASHA
Me? Amazing. I had the best—
BENNY comes running over.
BENNY
Everyone, stop what you’re doing.
BENNY takes a moment to catch his breath.
AUSTIN
Everything okay boss?
BENNY
Devin gave me the latest ratings report. Was nobody gonna tell me?!
Everyone looks at one another.
BENNY
From now on, we’re going back to divide and conquer. Blake, you’re in charge of Anchorage again. Trevor, you’re in charge of…uh…
TREVOR INTERVIEW
RSN+. He forgot. Not unexpended for the guy who didn’t realize I had literally nothing to do here for months.
BENNY
Whatever you guys used to be in charge of, you’re doing that again. I don’t care what Earnest thinks, I don’t care what he sees on these cameras, these ratings are in the gutter and we need them to go back up. Caprese?
NICOLE
I…think you mean capeesh.
BENNY
Nah I got some extra salad in my office. Anyone want any?
BLAKE
I do!
BLAKE INTERVIEW
Genuinely can’t tell if that was a save or if he’s being for real. Only one way to find out!
As BLAKE walks away with BENNY, everyone else checks the latest ratings report.
NICOLE
So…does anyone else want Indy? Going once? Twice?
KYLIE INTERVIEW
KYLIE squeals in excitement.
SASHA
Sorry Nicole. I got my own problem on my hands. Santa Fe’s ratings are even worse than they were before the Primitives came to town.
AUSTIN
Yeah, and I gotta deal with a 0.0 for Anchorage. And Blake’s got his own 0.0 to deal with.
TREVOR
Well this sucks.
NICOLE
Trevor, can you please fast track RSN+ already? It would really help us all out.
KYLIE
May I point out that LA’s ratings are up?
BENNY comes running over again, this time taking even longer to catch his breath.
NICOLE
What is it now?
BENNY [still panting]
I gotta stop running over here.
KYLIE
Any day now.
BENNY takes another moment and finally catches his breath.
BENNY
Alright. There’s a mass exodus happening with a bunch of teams on Complete Sports Network. This is our chance. Our last chance.
Everyone stares at BENNY in shock.
BENNY
Capeesh?
Right then, BLAKE is guided back over by DEVIN.
DEVIN
There we go, right back to our desk now.
BLAKE
He means it, guys. There was no caprese salad. I looked everywhere.