Olivia is on the roof of her house when Fred walks outside.
Fred: Olivia, what in god’s name are you doing up there?
Olivia: I’m getting in the Christmas spirit, Frederick. You could use some yourself.
Fred: I’m plenty spirited.
Olivia: It’s very nearly the end of November and you aren’t even humming Good King Wenceslas yet.
Fred: That is the cheeriest Christmas song, I better get to humming.
Olivia: You can sing Mariah Carey for all I care. Anything to acknowledge that it’s Christmastime again!
Fred: I’m just not in the spirit yet, it’s too warm out.
Olivia: Fred, I’m freezing my knickers off up here.
Fred: Speaking of up there, you never really told me why you’re on our roof.
Olivia: I’m putting Santa’s sleigh on the roof. Like the festive grandma that I am.
Fred: What if you would fall?
Olivia: I’m not going to.
Fred: You were out here alone. What if you did?
Olivia: You’d find me eventually.
Fred: You are completely insane.
Olivia: Always have been. Always will be.
Fred: I can come up and help if you want.
Olivia: I’m on my way down, the sleigh is up and plugged in and ready to shine bright!
Fred: Well, that’s good, at least. I really did not want to come up there.
Olivia: When I get down, and when I finish putting up all of these other lights, we’re watching a Christmas movie. You hear?
Fred: Which one?
Olivia: Love Actually.
Fred: Oh god…
Olivia: It’s a Wonderful Life, then?
Fred: Better.
Three days later…
Gigi: Mother, you house is so… jolly?
Olivia: I’m a jolly person.
Gigi: That’s a good one.
Olivia: I am!
Fred: Just play along with it.
Olivia: Is your house not decorated, Gigi?
Gigi: It is, but that doesn’t stop me from being so shocked to see your house decked out. I’m not used to seeing it like this.
Olivia: I have a lot more to celebrate this year. I’ve reunited with my family, that’s really it but it’s big! Now, I should ask, what are you stopping by for?
Gigi: Do I need a reason?
Olivia: You usually do.
Gigi: I was in the area and I wanted to stop in.
Olivia: You were, huh?
Gigi: Also, I wanted to borrow a string of Christmas lights.
Olivia: The truth comes out!
Todd: Mother, you’re getting a call.
Gigi: You’re here? I can’t believe you managed to shut your mouth for the span of all five minutes that I’ve been here. I’m a bit impressed.
Todd: Always nice to hear your snark so early in the day.
Gigi: It’s two o’clock, mum is about to sit down for dinner.
Olivia: You’re actually right about that today because I have somewhere to be, but not usually! This is not my usual dinner time!
Todd: Mum, I think you forgot about the phone call. It’s from gran.
Olivia: Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place? She’s going to be furious!
Olivia rushes into the house and picks up the phone.
Eleanor: Well it’s about time.
Olivia: Todd didn’t tell me that you were the one calling, I didn’t think it was important.
Eleanor: You mean to tell me that you just ignore phone calls from the average person?
Olivia: Well, uh, yeah.
Eleanor: I raised you better than that!
Olivia: As if you answer all your phone calls…
Eleanor: I have a person to do that for me!
Olivia: How often is your phone guy telling you about a call he answered from a Nigerian prince?
Eleanor: What in the world are you talking about?
Olivia: Never mind. What’s this call about?
Eleanor: Never mind.
Olivia: Don’t you dare do that to me!
Eleanor: Do what?
Olivia: I can hang up if you’d like.
Eleanor: I’m calling to ask you to stop by the palace sometime this week.
Olivia: I don’t mind stopping by, but it’s a long drive, so I’d like to know what I’m coming for.
Eleanor: I want to decorate for Christmas together! I asked your brothers and they’re excited.
Olivia: Are they?
Eleanor: They’re coming, that’s what matters.
Olivia: Don’t you have people to decorate for you?
Eleanor: I think it could be a fun family activity!
Olivia: I will be there. I will not be happy, but I will be there.
Eleanor: Thank you, dear. It means a lot.
Olivia: I’m not sure why, but, happy to help.
Eleanor: Wait, don’t hang up!
Olivia: I wasn’t about to.
Eleanor: Anthony has a tendency to hang up in the middle of conversations, I had to make sure you didn’t do that.
Olivia: You need to tell him to stop doing that.
Eleanor: I really should, shouldn’t I?
Olivia: Yes!
Eleanor: Anyway, what day do you think you can swing by? I need to know what day to tell your brothers.
Olivia: I’m free all week. What day works best for you?
Eleanor: Wednesday.
Olivia: Then I will be there Wednesday. See you then.
Eleanor: Are you hanging up now?
Olivia: Do you want me to?
Eleanor: You can if you want.
Olivia: I’ll let you go, then. Love you, see you Wednesday.
Olivia hangs up the phone and walks outside.
Gigi: So, what was that about?
Olivia: I have to go to Buckingham on Wednesday to help your grandmother decorate.
Gigi: Doesn’t she have people for that?
Olivia: I asked that, but she didn’t answer me.
Fred: I think it’ll be fun. You were so excited to be decorating our house, it should be the same at Buckingham.
Olivia: I never would’ve gone all out like this if I’d known my mother was going to make me her Christmas elf.
Todd: I think she’s only trying to make up for the lost Christmas memories from the last twenty years. I think it’s nice!
Gigi: What do you not think is nice?
Todd: You.
Fred: He got you this time.
Gigi: I know, he did. Proud of him.
Todd: Thanks, that means a lot!
Gigi: Really?
Todd: No…
Gigi: Got me again!
Four days later…
Claude: Look at you, Olivia!
Anthony: She looks like an elf.
Olivia: Go elf yourself, Anthony.
Anthony: Thanks, Liv.
Ethan: I think it’s great she dressed up. It means I’m not the only one here dressed festively, and you can’t make fun of my anymore.
Claude: Oh, we still can.
Anthony: Mum hasn’t come down yet. For all we know, she could be dressed head-to-toe as Saint Nicholas.
Claude: I hope she’s got a fake beard on.
Anthony: Perhaps a fuzzy hat.
Claude: Oh, you need to have the fuzzy hat!
Eleanor: Are you two done?
Claude: Mother!
Anthony: How long have you been down here.
Ethan: I think she heard it all, no?
Eleanor: Stop making fun of your brother and sister for having holiday cheer! We’re here to decorate for Christmas, where’s your spirit?
Anthony: I think your Christmas brooch is lovely, by the way.
Claude: The red and green striped dress is very festive!
Eleanor: You two are usually so well-behaved. I don’t know what it is about seeing one another that makes you both lose your minds.
Olivia: You can’t expect them to be too mature. They are men, after all.
Ethan: What does that mean?
Olivia: Just poking fun!
Eleanor: Instead of poking fun, perhaps we could start decorating the tree? I had one of the servants put it up and now it’s ready for us to trim!
Claude: Where are the ornaments?
Eleanor: With the tree.
Olivia: He’s stalling, mum.
Eleanor: I know he is.
Anthony: I would never.
Eleanor: Are you joking? You’re his partner in crime!
Ethan: While you all talk, I’m going to open the ornament box. I know how much we have to get done today and I’d truly appreciate for it to be done sometime in the next century.
Olivia: You know it’s bad when even Ethan thinks we’re moving slow.
Ethan: What is that supposed to mean?
Olivia: You’re not the fastest chap out there. That’s okay.
Ethan: You’re not exactly Speed Racer, either.
Eleanor: Can we all at least start moving towards the tree? Perhaps walk and talk?
Claude: We’re not getting out of here until midnight.
Olivia: And it’s your fault!
Four hours later…
Olivia: Well, we’ve gone through hell and back, but the tree’s decorated.
Ethan: I don’t recall ever seeing this many ornaments on this tree. Where did they come from?
Eleanor: I’m quite loved by the world, dear. People send me gifts all the time. I also have a small army of grandchildren, faithful serva-
Anthony: We get it, you’re loved. But how come these weren’t all out in previous years?
Eleanor: I liked a simpler tree before, but life is short. Put it all on!
Ethan: Well, we did. I don’t know how, but we did.
Olivia: The sheer power of determination, that’s how!
Arthur: You guys sure look busy!
Eleanor: Arthur, how lovely to see you. Grab a box and start unpacking!
Arthur: Oh, we really can’t. We have somewh-
Claire: We can push that back. This looks fun!
Anthony: It isn’t!
Eleanor: Shush!
Claire: Family decorating is such a neat idea. I usually just do it all myself at Kensington. Well, me and the servants.
Arthur: I do help, dear.
Claire: Yes, you sure do.
Olivia: I know how it goes, Claire. Poor Fred, he tries, but I end up having to do everything he did over again. I’m quite particular.
Claude: We’ve noticed.
Claire: It’s good to care about doing it right! If not you, then who?
Olivia: Exactly!
Ethan: Mum, why is this box just labeled “Santas?”
Eleanor: Because that’s all that’s in it. Various Santa Clauses.
Anthony: I think they prefer to be called “Santas Claus.”
Eleanor: They’re not alive, so I don’t think they really mind.
Anthony: You killed Santa?
Eleanor: Why must you act so foolish?
Olivia: When you’re an expert on something, it’s best to stick to it.
Claire: What can I help with?
Eleanor: Grab any box, unpack, set it somewhere that looks nice. No rules!
Claude: Mum, I know you’re done being queen and all in a few months, but you do still have to live here. Now’s not the time to get chaotic and start throwing things all willy-nilly about the house.
Eleanor: You’re no fun! There’s no reason put up as many decorations as possible.
Ethan: What has happened to mother?
Eleanor: I need as many reminders of joy as I can get. I no longer have your father to keep me joyful, might as well rely on penguin figurines and stuffed polar bears to do it.
Olivia: Papa was quite joyful, I get what you mean.
Claire: Should I get this out? It looks… faded.
Eleanor: That was from when I was a child! Put it somewhere nice.
Arthur: Is gran okay?
Claude: People grieve in different ways. Some of them insane.
Claire: I think it’s nice!
Claude: I’m not shocked. You’re always so joyful and peppy.
Claire: She’s spreading Christmas cheer, I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Eleanor: Less talk, more working! We have a lot more boxes to get to!
Claire: Will do, boss!
Arthur: I need a drink.
Anthony: Don’t we all?
Two hours later…
Olivia: Mum, you look worried. What’s going through your head now?
Claire: Did I put the wrong snowman up?
Eleanor: No, you’re doing great.
Claire: Thank you! I really appreciate it. This really helps me feel like part of the family!
Eleanor: You’ve been a part of the family for a decade, don’t ever think you’re not.
Olivia: You never answered me, mother.
Eleanor: What was the question.
Olivia: Why do you look so worried?
Eleanor: I’m not worried, I’m just… stressed.
Olivia: Massive difference between the two.
Eleanor: Decorating for Christmas has me thinking about my annual Christmas message, and now I’m stressing about what I’m going to say.
Ethan: I assumed you were so used to them after all these years that you didn’t even need to prepare for it at this point.
Eleanor: That’s how it usually is but not this year. This is my last one. I need to have a proper sendoff while also not yet revealing that it’s my sendoff.
Olivia: I’ll come down here and help you write it. I have nothing going on, I’d be happy to alleviate a bit of your stress.
Eleanor: Are you sure? It’s a long drive.
Olivia: I drove here to help you decorate a tree. I can drive here to help you prepare a speech that can help define your legacy.
Eleanor: Thank you, dear. I so appreciate the help. I’ve tried to write it and I keep drawing blanks. Maybe another mind is just what I need.
Anthony: I also thank you for volunteering, because now I don’t have to.
Claude: Same here!
Claire: I would’ve helped, don’t worry. I care.
Arthur: So do I!
Claire: You don't have to keep trying to prove that you’re helpful, sweetheart. We know you are.
Anthony: Is he? He’s unpacking things so much slower than all of us.
Claire: Shush!
Ethan: You heard her. Shush!
Two days later…
Eleanor: Oh, hi, Olivia! I didn’t know you were serious when you said you were coming today. Mandy and I are just catching up.
Mandy: Hi, Eleanor!
Eleanor: Don’t you mean “Hi, Olivia?”
Mandy: Whatever…
Olivia: Did you think I was lying about coming by?
Eleanor: Well, I thought you’d get preoccupied and forget to come.
Olivia: When have I e-
Eleanor: I don’t think you want an answer to that.
Olivia: You’re right, I don’t. Let’s just start working on this Christmas message
Eleanor: I think we should go in my office. It’s where I do my best work.
Olivia: That would be fine by me. The Elf on the Shelf in the sitting room scares the living daylights out of me, anyway.
Eleanor: I think he’s cute!
Olivia: Those eyes…
Eleanor: Are you coming or not?
Olivia: Sorry, I was too busy thinking about that demon elf.
Eleanor: It’s not that frightening.
Olivia: I had a nightmare about it last night.
Eleanor: Just get in here!
Olivia: Will do!
Eleanor and Olivia walk to Eleanor’s office.
Olivia: Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in here.
Eleanor: I don’t usually bring anyone else in here. This is my private work space, where I go to get away form the world. It’s just me, the dogs, and, occasionally, the servants. I need someone to clean it, after all.
Olivia: I appreciate that you’re letting me in here to be part of your creative process.
Eleanor: Creative process? We’re not the Beatles, Olivia.
Olivia: Wait, you’re not Ringo Starr?
Eleanor: Don’t compare me to Ringo! I’m the Paul!
Olivia: I’m the Paul. You’re the John. Ethan’s our George, Claude is Ringo. Anthony is Yoko.
Eleanor: So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
Olivia: Wow, you just sang! Since when do you sing?
Eleanor: I sing plenty! Do you want some tea?
Olivia: That’s a very random question, but sure.
Eleanor: Tea helps me think. Mandy, get me some tea!
Mandy: Will do, Eleanor!
Olivia: How did she hear you? And why are you making her do it instead of an actual servant?
Eleanor: I need her to pull her weight somehow.
Olivia: So, the Christmas message. I was brainstorming a bit and here’s what I’ve come up with: “My loyal subj-
Eleanor: No!
Olivia: What’s wrong with that?
Eleanor: I can’t call the people of Britain “loyal subjects!”
Olivia: And why not?
Eleanor: It isn’t medieval times!
Olivia: How do you want to start it, then?
Eleanor: A normal way?
Olivia: We’ve reached an impasse.
Eleanor: Have we? An impasse implies that we’re deadlocked. We’re not. I’m not using that phrase.
Olivia: Okay, I have a few others.
Eleanor: These should be good…
Two hours later…
Eleanor: We got off to quite the rocky start, but you ended up helping me quite a bit.
Olivia: That’s your Christmas gift from me!
Eleanor: Very funny.
Olivia: Funny?
Eleanor: You weren’t joking?
Olivia: I was joking! I’m very good at joking!
Eleanor: You sure are.
Olivia: So, when will you be delivering this speech?
Eleanor: Christmas, dear. It’s a Christmas speech. It said in the speech “I so hope you’ve enjoyed this blessed holiday today.”
Olivia: We wrote a lot of words, forgive me for forgetting some of them.
Eleanor: Do you want to watch a Christmas movie before you go?
Olivia: I don’t see why not.
Eleanor: I guess I should ask Mandy if she wants -
Mandy: I do!
Olivia: Did you get new hearing aids or something?
Mandy: Sure did!
Eleanor: What should we watch? Love Actually?
Olivia: I would love that!
Eleanor: Merry Christmas, girls.
What did you think of this episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for the season finale next week!
