ROBERT, LORENZO, ACE, DEVIN, FELIX, MANNY, and HARRY all gather in the bullpen. The entire stadium is empty, and there’s no game to be played.
MANNY
As you know, I called an emergency meeting.
ACE
Is it an emergency?
MANNY
Seriously?
ACE
Sometimes it’s not.
MANNY
When have I ever called an emergency meeting and it not being an emergency?
ACE
You haven’t. Just wondering.
MANNY
Okay then. This is an emergency. I looked at the rule book—
DEVIN
There’s a rule book?
MANNY
Yes. The offseason is very boring. So, as it turns out, there cannot be more than one bullpen captain.
FELIX
Wait—bullpen captains are actually allowed? I thought that was a thing we made up.
MANNY
I thought so too, but apparently it’s in the rule book. Problem is, we have two bullpen captains.
LORENZO
That’s right! Proud co-bullpen captain here!
ROBERT
I was the first bullpen captain so I think I get to keep the title.
LORENZO
People like me more though.
ROBERT
They do?
LORENZO
Eh. Maybe?
MANNY
Point is, we have to have an election.
HARRY
Count me out.
HARRY quickly leaves the bullpen and does not return.
MANNY
Ace, Devin, Felix—this is up to you.
FELIX
Fine. I pick—
MANNY
What do you think you’re doing? We have to listen to what they have to say first!
ROBERT
Okay. As bullpen captain, I will—
LORENZO
No you won’t.
ROBERT
You didn’t let me—
LORENZO
I’m electable.
ROBERT
What’s that supposed to mean??
DEVIN
Lorenzo makes a pretty good argument to me.
ACE
Yeah, really can’t argue with that logic.
FELIX
I want to hear more. What specifically will both of you do for this bullpen?
ROBERT
Uh...I’d...
LORENZO
Free cotton candy! Now, I’d like to watch coverage of my actual election. I’m running for state representative, remember?
FELIX
That’s a real campaign? I thought you were just being delusional.
LORENZO
Eight percent in the polls!
MANNY
Guys! Focus! We can’t have more than one bullpen captain, this is the most important election in bullpen history.
LORENZO
Remember, free cotton candy!
MANNY
Is that something you’ll follow through on?
LORENZO
Nope.
ACE
He is electable though!
ROBERT
I’m also electable!
ACE
Oh wow. Now I have a tough decision to make.
DEVIN
Let’s just get this over with. I vote for Lorenzo.
FELIX
Robert.
ROBERT
Really?
FELIX
Yeah. I don’t want to be the deciding vote.
ACE
Crap. So I’m the deciding vote? They both made great cases to be bullpen captain...you know what, I’ll just have to get back to you in a few days.
MANNY
You can’t do that. We need an answer now.
ACE
This is tough! Lorenzo, you’re a good guy, but not everything you did this year was perfect. So I’m gonna have to go with Robert.
LORENZO
Understood. Sucks to have to lose two elections in one day, though.
MANNY
The results are in?
LORENZO
No, but let’s be real. If I got eight percent in the polls, there’s no chance I would win. I had fun running the campaign though.
FELIX
You ran a campaign?
LORENZO
It wasn’t so much of a campaign as me putting my name on the ballot, but it’s basically the same thing.
DEVIN sees six people walk up to the bullpen.
DEVIN
Why are there people walking toward us.
LORENZO
There they are! They’re my Lorenzo’s Kitchen friends. And lawyers. They’re also running for state representative. In different counties, though.
LORENZO greets SAM, CHASE, REAGAN, ADAM, MADISON, and LINCOLN.
LINCOLN
We didn’t know you’d be here!
LORENZO
Come watch with us. I’m gonna lose but maybe you all have a chance!
MANNY
Were you given permission to use our bullpen?
ADAM
No, but we heard the bench was really comfortable and you have a nice TV.
DEVIN
Lorenzo, weren’t we gonna watch the coverage at your restaurant?
LORENZO
Yeah, but I’m comfortable.
MADISON turns on the TV for special coverage of their elections.
CHASE
Wouldn’t it be crazy if we were all in the state legislature together?
SAM
That won’t happen.
REAGAN
You never know.
MADISON
Don’t be ridiculous, Reagan. We’re all long-shots.
LORENZO
Wow, I’m actually winning right now!
FELIX
Only one percent of the vote is in.
LINCOLN
It looks like we’re ALL winning right now.
LORENZO
Nope, I just lost my lead.
CHASE
Me too.
MANNY
We can see the screen, you know.
Everyone stares at the TV as the results pour in.
ADAM
I won! I can’t believe I actually won!
REAGAN
Nice, Adam! Happy for you.
ADAM
Yeah, sorry that you’re behind.
REAGAN
Looks like I’m catching up now, actually.
Everyone stares in shock as more results come in and more people take the lead.
LORENZO
Looks like everyone’s winning except me. Well, it was fun to run.
MADISON
Don’t be down on yourself. The final batch of votes are supposed to come in any second now...
LORENZO
Yeah, but I doubt it will be enough to—
CHASE
Quiet, they’re here!
Everyone listens as LORENZO is projected to be the winner of his race. REAGAN, MADISON, CHASE, SAM, and LINCOLN win their races soon thereafter.
SAM
Looks like we’re all going to the state legislature.
LORENZO
I should probably come up with an agenda.
REAGAN
Yeah, me too. I didn’t actually think I’d win!
CHASE
I figured I’d have a chance, but I’m not sure what kind of bills I’d write.
LINCOLN
I ran for the heck of it.
MADISON
Can you guys believe this?
ADAM
Not really. This will get interesting.
MANNY
Well, I’m happy for you guys, I guess. Don’t screw everything up now.
ACE
Yeah, you’ll be hearing from us if things go badly.
As the coverage finishes, everyone leaves.