COLLEGE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 3
“CLUB”
WRITTEN BY
WILLIAM X. FRY
NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS
ANDREW VOICEOVER:
There are a
lot of things you can do at college with your limited free time. You can study,
you can get an on campus job, or you can join a club.
There’s a club for practically anything. You name it, it’s probably a thing.
However, finding and joining the right
club isn’t easy.
INT.
AUDITORIUM - DAY
Andrew and
Edison stand in front of a tri fold. A member of the club is giving a pitch to
them.
CLUB GUY
...and that’s
why you two should join the taxidermy club.
Andrew and
Edison stare at the guy blankly.
ANDREW VOICEOVER
Like I said.
Practically anything.
Andrew and
Edison walk away from the Taxidermy club stand.
EDISON
Tell me again
why we’re here and not using the little free time we have napping?
ANDREW
C’mon man it’s
important to join a club. You can meet new friends.
EDISON {sarcastically}
But Andrew,
you’re the only friend I need.
Before Andrew
can reply, Sarah appears and walks up to them.
SARAH
Hey.
ANDREW
Hey.
SARAH
Y’all join a
club yet?
ANDREW
We’ve found
some that sound interesting.
EDISON {sarcastically}
Yes the Stamp
club really caught our attention.
SARAH
You’re
kidding. A stamp club?
ANDREW
And a
taxidermy club. What about you?
SARAH
Same as you.
ANDREW
So nothing
interesting.
SARAH
Yeah. Hey my
friend Brittaney and I are going to The College Club. They have trivia. Y’all
want to join?
EDISON
Isn't The
College Club basically a non alcoholic club for freshmen and sophomores?
SARAH
Yeah but I
heard their milkshakes are amazing and the team that wins trivia gets a $100
gift card.
EDISON
Oh for real
100 dollars?! Yeah I’m down.
SARAH
Awesome!
Andrew?
ANDREW
Yeah sounds
fun.
SARAH
Alright. See
you there.
Sarah leaves.
EDISON
We need to go
to the library.
ANDREW
What? Since
when do you want to go to the library?
EDISON
Since the only
thing standing between me and $100 are some stupid facts. Now c’mon, we gotta
study.
Edison pulls
out his phone and activates Siri.
EDISON
Siri where is
the library?
EXT. THE
COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Andrew and
Edison walk up to The College Club.
EDISON
Which band
sings the song Yesterday?
ANDREW
The Monkees?
EDISON
No The
Beatles. C’mon man.
ANDREW
Sorry.
EDISON
Ok next
question. Which president said “The only thing we have to to fear is fear
itself”?
ANDREW
FDR.
EDISON
Correct!
STUDENT
Shhhhhhh!
EDISON
Oh relax.
You’re in here on a Friday. Think about that.
INT. THE
COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Andrew and
Edison enter the club. It is filled with college students sipping milkshakes
and eating appetizers. Sarah, who is sitting at a table, sees them. She waves and
Andrew and Edison join them.
SARAH
Ready?
ANDREW
Yep.
EDISON
He’s not.
BRITTANEY walks
over to their table holding two milkshakes. She hands one of the milkshakes to
Sarah.
BRITTANEY
Here’s your
mint chip.
SARAH
Thanks. Guys
this is Brittaney. We have English together. Britt this is Andrew and Edison.
We live in the same dorm building.
ANDREW
Hey.
Edison doesn’t
say anything. He stares Brittaney, completely enamoured by her.
EDISON
H-hi.
BRITTANEY
Hey.
ANDREW
What’s your
major?
BRITTANEY
Journalism.
ANDREW
Cool.
EDISON
I like
journalism.
Andrew sees
that something is up with Edison.
ANDREW
We’re gonna go
get a milkshake.
Andrew grabs
Edison’s arm and they go to the “bar”.
ANDREW
Two chocolate
shakes please. Dude what is with you?
EDISON
I think I’m in
love.
ANDREW
You? You once
said that “love” was a scam created by Hallmark to sell more Valentine’s Day
cards.
EDISON
I still stand
by that but I’m serious dude. There’s something about her. Something different.
The
“bartender” hands them their chocolate shakes.
ANDREW
How about you
get to know her first.
Andrew and
Edison return to the table.
SARAH
Trivia is
about to begin.
A college
student walks onto a small stage with a microphone and some cards.
TRIVIA GUY
Ok ladies and
gentlemen welcome to The College Club Trivia Night! Tonight’s prize is a 100
dollar gift card. Let’s get started. First question… Which president created
the league of nations?
The teams
huddle and discuss answers. Edison presses his team’s buzzer.
TRIVIA GUY
Team name?
EDISON
Edison and the
Lightbulbs.
ANDREW
No.
EDISON
Edison and the
Lightbulbs. Also the answer is Woodrow Wilson.
TRIVIA GUY
That’s
correct! Five points to Edison and the Lightbulbs!
EDISON
Yes!
BRITTANEY
Nice job.
EDISON
Thanks.
TRIVIA GUY
Next question.
It’s a pop culture question people. Which actor made his debut as James Bond in
the film Casino Royale in 2006?
Sarah presses
the buzzer.
SARAH
Daniel Craig!
TRIVIA GUY
Correct!
Andrew looks
at Sarah.
SARAH
What? He’s
hot.
Throughout the
night, Edison and Lightbulbs win multiple questions while also losing to other
teams.
TRIVIA GUY
Alright people
we are down to the last question of the night. So far Edison and the Lightbulbs
are tied with Sigma Alpha. Here is the question. The scientific unit named
after Sir Isaac Newton measures what?
Sigma Alpha
presses their buzzer.
SIGMA ALPHA GUY
Newtons!
TRIVIA GUY
No that’s the
name of the unit.
Andrew presses
his buzzer.
TRIVIA GUY
Edison and the
Lightbulbs?
ANDREW
Force.
TRIVIA GUY
Correct!
Edison and the Lightbulbs win!
Edison jumps
out of his seat.
EDISON
Yes! Yes yes
yessss!
Edison goes up
to the trivia guy who hands him a gift card.
EDISON
This a gift
card for the university gift shop.
TRIVIA GUY
A $100 gift
card.
EDISON
Seriously? You
know how hard I studied for this? I went to the library. I opened a book!
Andrew grabs
Edison.
ANDREW
C’mon let’s
go.
Andrew,
Edison, Sarah, and Brittaney exit the club. Andrew and Sarah walk side by side.
SARAH
That was fun.
ANDREW
Yeah. I didn’t
realize college could actually be fun.
SARAH
I think we
should do it again.
ANDREW
Yeah. Although
I think Edison will need some convincing.
SARAH
Then it could
just be you and me.
ANDREW
Just us?
SARAH
Yeah.
ANDREW
Yeah. Sounds
great.
Edison and
Brittaney walk together.
BRITTANEY
Sorry you
didn’t win what you wanted.
EDISON
It’s fine. At
least I learned something.
Brittaney
chuckles.
EDISON
Will you go
out with me?
BRITTANEY
What?
EDISON
On a date. You
know. Dinner. Maybe a movie?
BRITTANEY
Look I think
your a nice guy but… I just met you and also… I kinda already have a boyfriend.
EDISON
Kinda?
BRITTANEY
We dated in
high school and we’re trying the whole long distance thing.
EDISON
Ah I see.
BRITTANEY
Sorry...I
should maybe go, it’s getting late.
Brittaney
walks away. Andrew and Sarah appear next to Edison.
ANDREW
There there
buddy. It's ok.
Edison doesn't
say anything.
SARAH
Let's go buy
some stuff at the gift shop.
The trio walk
away towards campus.
INT. ANDREW'S
AND EDISON'S DORM - NIGHT
Edison is
laying on his bed dressed from head to toe in school memorabilia. Andrew is
sitting at his desk doing homework.
EDISON
She said no…
to me.
ANDREW
I know. I was
there.
EDISON
I've dated a
lot of girls. Like a lot. More than the average nineteen year old.
ANDREW
What are you
saying?
EDISON
Why did she
say no?
Andrew turns
in his chair to face Edison.
ANDREW
Did you forget
the part where she said she was still dating her boyfriend from high school?
Edison sits
up.
EDISON
They're doing
long distance. Long distance never works.
ANDREW
Well if that's
true then they'll break up and you can ask her out then.
EDISON
You’re right.
I need to break them up.
ANDREW
No. No that's
not what I said. I said wait until they break up. Then you can ask her.
EDISON
Oh. Ok. I
guess that'll work. Do you want some advice about Sarah?
ANDREW
Nope.
END.