The Bellwoods are on the road, traveling for their family vacation.
Teri: I think it’s nice we’re not going to Maine for a change.
Jerry: We’re basically going to Maine. The Berkshires are just Maine, but more southern, and somehow even more woke.
Ralph: Are we going to have to hear you complain about “wokeness” the entire week?
Jerry: You’re taking me - against my will - to a land of hippies and communists!
Ralph: What decade do you think it is?
Steven: Grandpa, don’t talk about hippies like that.
Jerry: Huh?
Steven: Alysa considers herself to be a hippie.
Jerry: In the tie-dye, peace and love kinda way, or the Woodstock, doesn’t shave kinda way?
Alysa: I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.
Jerry: Oh no, next thing you know, she’ll be dropping acid and will stop wearing deodorant.
Alysa: Oh my god! I should’ve stayed home. Steven, I told you, I wanted to stay home. You wouldn’t let me. You said this would be fun. You said it could be like a second honeymoon! I would’ve preferred our second honeymoon to not have your entire extended family on it again, and for it to not be in the Berkshires in October, but fine. This is great.
Jerry: Is it her time of the m-
Steven: Shh!
Karl: I agree! My god, all of you, quiet. I can’t even focus on the road.
Teri: Just focus on a nice telephone pole and drive us into it. End the misery.
Jeanette: No, I don’t want to die!
Teri: How could you spend time around this family and not want to?
Jeanette: I’m getting close enough to that point already, I don’t want to think about it any more than I have to!
Betty: Can everyone just be positive? We’re going on vacation! Together!
Ralph: I think that’s a big part of why everyone’s so upset, the together of it all.
Teri: We’re always together, so I think that makes a vacation with all of us going a bit less special.
Betty: And whose fault is that, Teri? I wasn’t the one who insisted we all move into a mansion together. That was you!
Rick: How did you guys wind up deciding that was a good idea?
Tammi: It was 2018, it was a sellers’ market.
Rick: That didn’t inspire me to sell my house and move in with my kids.
Teri: And look how that turned out for you, you’re in a far worse situation!
Karl: Didn’t I ask you all to stop complaining?
Teri: As if we’d ever listen to instructions!
Cindy: That much is very apparent whenever we have a game night!
Later that day…
Jerry: God, it’s so nice to be able to get up stretch my legs.
Teri: We drove in an RV, you can get up and stretch your legs whenever.
Jerry: I get vertigo.
Betty: So do I!
Cindy: Look, they’re bonding.
Karl: Well, I’m gonna go check in. Hopefully, they’re still here. That drive was longer than I expected!
Tammi: Somebody made us keep stopping for food!
Alysa: It’s not Caitlin’s fault. Babies naturally cry for food! I wasn’t about to just start breastfeeding her in a moving vehicle!
Tammi: I did it with Steven, nothing bad ever happened.
Jerry: Kids these days are so risk-averse.
Alysa: Which is a good thing.
Danielle: Are we really all going to cram ourselves into one hotel room? Did no one think that through? I’m worried now.
Karl: Don’t worry, we were able to book three townhouse-style rooms right next to each other. Plenty of room!
Teri: Oh my god, we can actually get away from each other for a change! This is glorious!
Ralph: I, for one, will miss having to sleep in the RV to get a moment’s peace.
Betty: I know you guys are concerned, but we are going to see each other plenty! We’ll have dinner together, we’ll go out every day together, it’ll be great!
Jerry: No one was concerned, Betty. I actually think everyone is thrilled.
Betty: Thrilled?
Jerry: We see a lot of each other.
Teri: Too much!
Betty: This is a family vacation, we’re going to spend it together!
Karl: All right, I’m going in. You guys argue all you want until I’m back, but I don’t want to hear it!
Teri: There’s nothing to argue about, except for who will get the biggest bed.
Ralph: Me. I’ve earned it after all I’ve sacrificed!
Karl: Again, don’t want to hear it!
Later that night…
Betty: Can you believe no one wanted to stay with us, Karl?
Karl: Yes.
Betty: Excuse me?
Karl: You tend to be bossy on vacation.
Rick: Not just on vacation.
Jeanette: Bet, I’m thrilled to get to stay with you. Really!
Betty: But my own children wouldn’t stay with me!
Rick: They’re adults. They don’t want to hang out with mommy and daddy. It makes total sense.
Danielle: Hey, don’t get too bent out of shape. I’m here, too!
Betty: God, we really are the leftovers. We even got the worst room! That couch upstairs is falling apart!
Danielle: The one I have to sleep on?
Betty: No! You have your own bed.
Danielle: I do?
Betty: Yeah, we’re not as crammed in as we usually are when we go to the beach house in Maine.
Danielle: I guess I’m just so used to sleeping on a pull-out bed, I didn’t even think of the possibility of getting to sleep in a real bed.
Rick: They always make you sleep on the sofa bed?
Danielle: I’m fine with it. I’m not technically family, it is what it is. I just appreciate the free vacation.
Jeanette: That’s sad.
Betty: What’s really sad is that this is a family trip and we’re not all together!
Karl: Tomorrow’s another day.
Betty: And I’m gonna make the most of it! I promise!
Rick: Oh, we believe you.
The next morning…
Betty: Let me in! Right now!
Cindy: Mom, it’s seven in the morning.
Betty: I know! We’ve got a busy day ahead of us!
Cindy: Busy enough that we have to be up and ready at seven?
Betty: I’m just making sure you’re awake! I’ve got tickets to The Mount for ten! It’s the first tour of the day, and it’s twenty minutes away! They say you should get there a half-hour early, too!
Cindy: What the heck is The Mount? Are you making us climb a mountain?
Betty: No! It’s the home of author Edith Wharton! She wrote The Age of Innocence.
Cindy: Okay. Fascinating. Why are we touring her house?
Jerry: Honey, why are you out of bed?
Cindy: My mother says we have to wake up.
Jerry: That’s nice. See you in a few hours, Betty.
Betty: No! We have to get going!
Cindy: This sounds boring. I want to relax! Maybe we can go shopping.
Betty: No, we’re seeing all the sights there are to see here in the Berkshires. We might never get back here, we’re making the most of this trip.
Cindy: All right, I’ll have breakfast and get ready.
Betty: Excellent! Get your sister and brother up, too!
Cindy: I don’t really want to do that.
Betty: Do your mother a favor!
Cindy: I think I’m doing enough favors for you. I woke up at seven on vacation!
Jerry: That’s really on you. You should just stand up to her.
Betty: I’m right here.
Jerry: And I’m going right back to bed!
Later that day…
Betty: We just made it! I told you we should’ve gotten here early.
Alysa: I’m sorry, I know I was the big holdup.
Betty: No, it was Jerry!
Jerry: I regret nothing.
Betty: This house is incredible. Look at it!
Ralph: It’s a house, mom.
Betty: A gorgeous one! And I hear they’ve got a cafe! We don’t have time to stop there, though. Lots on the agenda!
Ralph: How much more can there possibly be?
Betty: So many more houses to tour!
Cindy: Oh no.
Betty: And a lot of nature to see!
Teri: Oh… no thank you.
Betty: Tomorrow, we’re going to Stockbridge. That’s where Norman Rockwell lived, and they have a museum of his work, and we’ll also go into town. And yes, we can go shopping.
Cindy: That sounds wonderful.
Betty: And then on Wednesday, we’re going to head up north a bit and hike Mount Greylock.
Alysa: Is that safe to do with Caitlin?
Steven: Nope, we gotta stay home.
Betty: It’s fine. I promise!
Karl: We should probably get in the house, the tour guide is waiting for us.
Danielle: When do we get to go Blue Stone Manor and meet Dorinda from the Real Housewives of New York? That’s where all of my knowledge of the Berkshires comes from.
Betty: I don’t think that’s open for the public.
Danielle; Maybe if we just stand at the end of the driveway, she’ll see us and let us in.
Teri: Or she’ll call the cops on us.
Danielle: It’s worth a try.
Two days later…
Ralph: Jerry, have you seen any of those scary hippies yet?
Jerry: No, but I’m always on the lookout for them, trust me.
Tammi: You know, I was reading about Mount Greylock. Apparently, you can just drive up the summit.
Betty: Where’s the fun in that?
Alysa: That sounds a lot more fun than hiking, honestly.
Betty: You kids used to love physical activity, what happened?
Alysa: I’m a mom now, I’m absolutely exhausted at every hour of the day.
Tammi: Well, I’m just here to tell you… it never gets better.
Alysa: thank you for that uplifting message!
Betty: I guess we can drive up if you want.
Frank: Is that a good idea in an RV? I don’t think these are made for scaling mountains.
Betty: Shut up, Frank!
Frank: I was on your side.
Betty: I don’t want you on my side, and you know that.
Frank: You don’t have to be so nasty. We’re on vacation.
Betty: Why would you take my favorite activity from me on my vacation?
Teri: She raises a great point.
Two hours later…
Alysa: I’m so tired!
Teri: I want to be put out of my misery.
Tammi: I told you we should’ve taken the RV up!
Betty: They wouldn’t let us! Don’t put this on me!
Ralph: You are the one who insisted on hiking up anyway.
Betty: They have a really cool tower that I just think we need to see. You go to the top and you can see a panoramic view of the area. You can apparently see Albany from the window!
Ralph: I know it’s my dream to get to see Albany from a window.
Betty: Don’t mock me! It’s supposed to be very cool!
Teri: Do we even know where we are?
Betty: I’m so tired of you guys complaining about everything.
Jerry: I think complaining about being lost on some mountain is actually fair.
Betty: You’re all here by choice. I just want you to know that1
Cindy: You don’t really give us any choice. You turn into a dictator on vacation.
Ralph: Not just on vacation, but it’s especially bad on vacation.
Betty: You all feel that way?
Karl: How could they not, honey? We’ve been hiking a mountain for hours and we’ve got no clue where we are, and it’s entirely because they all agreed to do this to appease you. This is not fun.
Betty: I never meant to boss you all around. I thought we were having fun. I just want to be together! You all make so many remarks about hating being together so much, and I just wanted to show that we can still have fun together!
Teri: Those are just jokes! Trust me, we wouldn’t all live under one roof if it was so painful for us.
Jeanette: Well, we don’t really have the choice.
Cindy: We had fun yesterday. The museum was very nice, and the town had some really nice shops. The restaurant was lovely! I just think, you know, maybe you have to check in with us and make sure everyone’s getting to see things they want to, and that no one’s being forced to do things they don’t want to do. Like this.
Betty: All right. I’ll do better.
Danielle: Does that mean -
Teri: No, it doesn’t mean we’re going to break into Dorinda Medley’s house. Not even a little.
Danielle: I think she’d be fine with it!
Ralph: So how are we getting out of here?
Frank: What about hitchhiking?
Betty: You try that out, and then call us with the results. Sound good?
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
