Gretchen is at lunch with Mary and Eddie.
Gretchen: Eddie, the primary is coming up soon. You better tell me you’ve got a plan to vote.
Eddie: I’ve really not been following the election that closely.
Gretchen: Well, why not?
Eddie: Some of us don’t live and breathe politics like you do.
Mary: I once thought the same. You’ll probably be the senate majority leader by the end of the decade.
Eddie: Yeah, Mar, I really never saw your life taking this turn. How’d Gretchen get you to run?
Gretchen: It was her idea! She’s her own person, you know!
Eddie: I’m aware of that, I just never expected her to run for office. She’d never shown any interest in it.
Mary: I needed to reinvent myself, and the opportunity presented itself.
Eddie: I’m glad you found something to make you happy.
Mary: Thank you! You know, I’ve heard people say I could be Rhode Island’s next governor! I mean, not next governor. But the governor after our next governor.
Gretchen: Speaker of the House is a great launchpad for a run for governor. Just look at our last speaker!
Mary: Are you mocking me, Gretchen?
Gretchen: No! He’s polling at 7% despite being a complete clown who lost in disgrace. Imagine how well a normal speaker would be doing!
Eddie: I’d hardly call her “normal.”
Mary: That’s right, I’m a citizen legislator. I’m relatable.
Eddie: Nothing more relatable than being the sister of the governor!
Mary: People don’t really think of me that way. I’m just Mary.
Eddie: Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
Gretchen: So, I say again… Eddie, are you voting in two weeks?
Eddie: I feel like I have to, or you might kill me.
Gretchen: I would never kill you! It’d be unbecoming for the governor to do so, and I take this office very seriously.
Mary: That the only reason?
Gretchen: It is, from time to time.
Mary: That concerns me.
Gretchen: Concerns me, too!
Eddie: So, who am I supposed to vote for?
Gretchen: Who are you su- are you joking? Do you ever listen to me? It’s like you don’t even care about my work!
Eddie: Do you even know what I do for a living?
Gretchen: You work in, uh, real estate.
Eddie: No.
Gretchen: Telecommunications.
Eddie: What even is that?
Gretchen: Well, you’re definitely not a doctor.
Eddie: Why not?
Gretchen: Because mom would’ve rubbed that in my face on a daily basis.
Mary: That is very true.
Eddie: Mom would nev… yeah, she would.
Mary: She was quite a character.
Eddie: So, why is this election such an urgent issue for you? Who are you demanding I vote for?
Gretchen: Well, to start, my best friend Carol is running for lieutenant governor. Have you not seen the ads?
Eddie: Someone’s running against the baseball guy? Good, the team sucks, he doesn’t belong in office. Fix the mess you made first.
Mary: Is that any way to talk about the man who managed the most successful MLB expansion team this side of the Rockies?
Eddie: That would be the Diamondbacks, who have actually won a World Series.
Mary: I was making a joke!
Gretchen: I’m really concerned that you didn’t know she was running, and that you’re apparently only getting Franklin ads, but I’m relieved that you also think his campaign is a joke.
Mary: To be fair, I don’t think most people even know we have a lieutenant governor, let alone who is running for the office.
Eddie: Isn’t the entire job just waiting around to see if the governor is still alive?
Gretchen: I feel like that’s vastly simplifying the duties of the office.
Mary: So what does Pratt do?
Gretchen: Nothing. Just causes headaches.
Mary: Exactly.
Gretchen: Anyway, I also need you to vote for Carrie Lione for governor. Her opponents are a mix of incompetent and evil, our state deserves better. Mary, never tell Pratt that I said that.
Mary: Never. She’d be so annoying about it as she sobbed, I can’t handle all that.
Eedie: So Carrie and Carol. Anyone else running whose name starts with C-a-r that you need me to vote for?
Gretchen: No, just them. I don’t really care about the other races. Why would I care who the auditor general is?
Mary: We have an auditor general in Rhode Island?
Eddie: I didn’t know that either, but it’s not as embarrassing for me, because I’m not in charge of running the state, like you two are.
Gretchen’s phone rings.
Gretchen: Eh, gotta take this.
Eddie: Do you really?
Gretchen: It’s Carol.
Mary: Speaking of Carol, aren’t we glad Carole Radziwill is back on the Real Housewives of New York City?
Eddie: I think you’re the only one who watches that.
Mary: I’m just trying to make small talk, man.
Gretchen steps away to take the call.
Gretchen: What’s up, Carol?
Carol: I have good news, and I have great news. What do you want first?
Gretchen: Let’s start slowly.
Carol: All right… our beloved friend Jeanne -
Gretchen: Ugh.
Carol: is in trouble.
Gretchen: Yay!
Carol: The Providence Times just ran a story about her transferring government funds to campaign account.
Gretchen: Oh my god! That is nuts! I didn’t think she had it in her!
Carol: You seem strangely proud of her.
Gretchen: I’m not proud, I think what she did is disgusting. But she’s so… dull, and by-the-book. I never imagined her of all people having a scandal like this. If anything, I’d expect Pratt to do it by accident.
Carol: She’s a shrewd woman with no morals. I found this to be entirely predictable.
Gretchen: How did the PT possibly find out about it? All her campaign staffers have been with her for years, I can’t imagine them betraying her like this when she still stands a great chance of winning that primary.
Carol: All it takes is one person overhearing something they shouldn’t and all of the sudden, everyone knows. Could be a significant other of one of her staffers, could be someone Jeanne herself barely even knows! All I know is… I don’t think she’s our next governor!
Gretchen: She’s like a cockroach, I can never count her out. I thought I was rid of her after I beat her in the last primary. Then, she somehow found a way to get the nominee to succeed her drop out so she could run for re-election.
Carol: That was terrible. But, remember, you did have a chance to get rid of her, and you decided not to…
Gretchen: I didn’t to risk her winning the leadership challenge and then having a real reason to be a thorn in my side. By offering her an olive branch, I finally got her to work with me on something. It was a necessary evil. And now, Carrie’s about to become governor, hopefully.
Carol: Pratt can still win.
Gretchen: That would be scary.
Carol: The sympathy vote is a real possibility, especially if those Jeanne supporters begin to defect. Who has run the harshest campaign against Jeanne? Carrie! Will her supporters just forgive that and flock to her?
Gretchen: Voters are weird, they’re hard to predict. So, news do you have that’s even better than this?
Carol: Senator Meyerson has decided to endorse my campaign. She’s apparently quite put off by Jeremiah Franklin’s campaign being funded by his millionaire and billionaire friends, so she’s throwing her weight behind his strongest rival.
Gretchen: That’s a ringing endorsement.
Carol: It’s the biggest get in the state.
Gretchen: Excuse me?
Carol: You don’t count, you’d already endorsed me. She hadn’t weighed in yet.
Gretchen: What about Clara?
Carol: She’s still undecided. Adrian Schmidt is a great friend of hers, but she knows he’s really trailing in the polls. She doesn’t want to betray him, but also doesn’t want to split the anti-Franklin vote by publicly backing him.
Gretchen: My god, Clara! It’s politics, sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and make the tough choices!
Carol: Well, this is still big.
Gretchen: Not bigger than the Jeanne scandal, but I guess you’re biased.
Carol: I am. I do have an actual desire to win, you know.
Gretchen: And I want you to win! Just remember, though: if you do win, I played a much bigger part than Judith.
Carol: Of course. I owe everything to you.
Gretchen: That sounded sarcastic. Was that sarcasm?
Carol: Never!
The next day…
Sarita: Gretchen…
Gretchen: Yes!
Sarita: You sound excited today.
Esther: You’re not gonna be for long!
Gretchen: I don’t know if I want to hear this.
Sarita: You have to.
Gretchen: I know I’m on my way out, but am I not still in charge around here?
Sarita: Trust me, you’re gonna find out one way or another. Better it comes from me.
Gretchen: All right, let’s hear it!
Sarita: Our dear friend, Jeanne Rivero, is blaming you for the report about her misuse of government money.
Gretchen: Oh my god! I found out about it last night for the first time. Unlike her, I don’t spend all my time obsessing on bringing down my “enemies.”
Sarita: Well, she’s very unhappy.
Gretchen: When isn’t she?
Sarita: That’s a great question.
Esther: Oh look, she’s on the news talking about it.
Sarita: So convenient.
Esther: I lied, this is actually from a half-hour ago. I just recorded it so you could see how crazy she looks saying it.
Gretchen: Thank you, Esther.
Jeanne: Look, the allegations from the Providence Times are completely false. Actually, they’re a pretty clear coordinated hit on me, trying to slander my good name and bring down my campaign, which has so much momentum. I know Governor Raymond had something to do with it. She wants Carrie Lione to win, because she’ll be her stooge. She will continue the failed Raymond legacy. I will forge my own path. Gretchen Raymond doesn’t play well with others. She wants it her way, so she’s sabotaging me. It’s a clear dereliction of duty to fabricate a story like this, and it’s an affront to the office that she holds now and that I will soon hold. She won’t get away with this.
Gretchen: My god, she’s hysterical!
Samantha: Gretchen! You see this? I’m gonna be governor!
Gretchen: Oh, we’re past that. Now we’re talking about how Jeanne is blaming me for this tory coming out. It just makes her look even more insane.
Samantha: It’s actually sad. Obviously, I want to be a there, but going out like this?
Jeanne: Are you ladies talking about me?
Sarita: Gretchen, I have to run to, uh… somewhere else.
Esther: Yeah, me too!
Sarita: We’ll be back later!
Gretchen: Such great help I have.
Jeanne: Gretchen, I know you’re responsible for that report.
Gretchen: You are delusional! Why aren’t you pointing fingers at Pratt?
Jeanne: As if she has the brains to pull something like this off without alerting me first!
Samantha: Excuse me?
Gretchen: You do have a point there. No offense, Pratt.
Samantha: Some taken!
Jeanne: Who else would do this to me?
Gretchen: Do what? Expose you for being a crook?
Jeanne: Make up disgusting lies!
Gretchen: I just don’t think they’re lies.
Jeanne: They’re lies!
Gretchen: So you didn’t do what you’re accused of? The Providence Times made it up completely? Or they fell for a fake story?
Jeanne: Someone with dedication and a reason to want to take me down put together an elaborate hoax, and I’m owed a retraction.
Gretchen: Prove it’s wrong, then!
Jeanne: The burden of proof is not on me!
Gretchen: Hold on. You slandered my name with no evidence, was the burden of proof not on you there?
Jeanne: It’s something you’d do!
Gretchen: I know you’re guilty!
Jeanne: So you admit it was you!
Gretchen: You are so frustrating!
Samantha: At least she’s not gonna be governor!
Jeanne: We’ll see about that!
Later that night…
Gretchen: Can you believe the nerve of her to publicly accuse me of being the whistleblower? And of being a liar obsessed with bringing her down!
Anthony: I put nothing past her. She’s made your life hell for seven and a half years.
Gretchen: She behaved herself for some of that time. I’d say only like six of those years were truly dire.
Anthony: Ah, well then grant her sainthood.
Christina: The story is true, I don’t think the PT is going to run a story like this without properly vetting it. It could ruin them if it weren’t true.
Toby: But you know, with AI…
Christina: If they can’t detect an AI-generated scam, then they deserve to go out of business. I think higher of them.
Gretchen: I just wonder who it was that leaked it. Like I said to Carol, Jeanne has a very loyal senior campaign staff. Bizarrely loyal. Who in their right mind would stick with someone so horrible for as long as they have?
Anthony: It could be someone newer on the staff. Running for governor definitely requires a bigger campaign staff than running for state senate.
Gretchen: I don’t see how some new hire with no seniority would have knowledge of anything like this. Jeanne would surely be keeping this within her inner circle.
Christina: Maybe someone in that inner circle just has a conscience.
Gretchen: Someone in politics having a conscience? Don’t joke like that.
Christina: I believe in the good of humanity! Surely some of that good is in politics.
Gretchen: The cruel reality of life sucks the good straight out of us. Trust me, I was once a young optimist who believed she could make the world better.
Christina: I refuse to be so jaded.
Anthony: Honey, have you ever considered running for office? Maybe you can make some positive change!
Christina: God, no. That world is not for me.
Gretchen: See? Anyone truly good knows not to run for office in the first place!
Meanwhile, Carol is on the phone with Carrie.
Carol: Carrie! You busy?
Carrie: Oh, not really. Just eating dinner, getting ready for my rally tonight.
Carol: Oh, I should leave you be, then.
Carrie: no, it’s fine! I don’t want my running mate to ever feel like she can’t reach out to me. What’s up?
Carol: I feel guilty.
Carrie: Did you do something to feel guilty about?
Carol: Eh…
Carrie: Oh boy.
Carol: It’s nothing bad. But I, uh… well, when I was still working for Gretchen, I had to deliver paperwork to Jeanne’s office. And I saw papers showing her making withdrawals from government accounts and moving them into her campaign fund.
Carrie: Oh my god, you’re the whistleblower!
Carol: Yeah. I didn’t know who to reach out to, because I didn’t know if my eyes were deceiving me. So I reached out to a connection at the Providence Times, and they looked into it, and they dropped the bomb yesterday. And now Jeanne’s running Gretchen’s name through the mud. And your name, by extension. I don’t want it to effect your campaign.
Carrie: It’s fine, Carol. People believe it’s true, and Jeanne just looks desperate. She’s lashing out at Gretchen and me because she knows we’re the biggest threats to her campaign. Aside from you, I suppose.
Carol: I just hate seeing people speculate whether this is just a lie Gretchen made up to sway the election. She had nothing to do with it, and she’d never do something so underhanded.
Carrie: But if you come out and tell the world it was you…
Carol: I don’t know how that would reflect on me. And I’m too scared to find out.
Carrie: Just let this story run its course. It’’s going to hurt Jeanne far more than it hurts me or Gretchen. We’re going to win this.
Carol: I believe in you.
Gretchen: Good. And… don’t tell Gretchen about this. I don’t need her panicking. I’ve noticed she’s a very panicky person.
Carol: One could say that!
What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the midseason finale of Raymond Island tomorrow!
