Claude is at a school meeting with students when the Brandon, the head of his security detail, pulls him aside.
Brandon: Your majesty, we have to leave.
Claude: Why, is Christine wanting me home?
Brandon: There’s been a threat.
Claude: What sort of threat?
Brandon: A threat on you.
Claude: At a school? Is a student under the impression I’m the one assigning them their maths homework?
Brandon: The plot isn’t specific to the school. It’s an outside group wanting to take you out, and the best way to protect you is to get you to a secure location, sealed off from the public. That’s our job, that’s what we’re going to do.
Claude: All right, we shall do so, then. Do I have to be worried about my family’s safety? I know they’re all across the country right now, working on behalf of the family.
Brandon: The threat is specific to you. Everyone else should be safe.
Claude: Should? You know, my family does have history with assassinations, and it’s not always the monarch.
Brandon: In this case, you are the target.
Claude: So there’s been a terror plot on my life?
Brandon: Yes.
Claude: And it’s going down right now?
Brandon: We can discuss that on the way to a safe location. The most important thing is getting you out of here safely, immediately.
Claude: What are the chances I die today, Brandon?
Brandon: It’s not happening on my watch, sir.
Claude: What if they kill you first?
Brandon: I said it won’t happen on my watch.
Claude: I am officially frightened.
In the car…
Claude: So, uh… how long will I be in hiding?
Brandon: Just until we’re assured the threat has been neutralized.
Claude: So it’s not been neutralized yet? I’m still in danger? They’re still out to get me?
Brandon: We aren’t yet certain, hence the need to move you somewhere safe.
Claude: And again… you’re certain they aren’t after my wife or any of my siblings? Or my mum? We can’t just stop and pick them up to be sure?
Brandon: They are fine. You are the target of this threat.
Claude: Can we elaborate on the threat?
Brandon: There is an organization, an anti-monarchy terror group, who has been plotting an attack for a while. MI5 flagged conversations between members of the group, because they were chatting online and talks were getting more advanced.
Claude: So this has been brewing? And no one told me?
Brandon: No one wanted to make you panic. They had to ensure the threat was credible. Do you know how many hoaxes there are that we don’t bother you about?
Claude: That concerns me.
Brandon: No reason to be worried. This situation is being neutralized. You are safe under our protection.
Claude: How many of them are there? How many have they caught?
Brandon: They’re all being brought in now. You don’t have to worry.
Claude: I’ve just learned there’s a plot on my life, I do think it’s natural to worry in that situation.
Brandon: I understand. But they’re not going to get you where we’re taking you.
Claude: Good to know.
Meanwhile, at Buckingham Palace…
Adam (Head of Security): Your Majesty, may I speak to you for a moment?
Christine: Of course, of course.
Adam: I don’t want you to panic.
Christine: I wasn’t planning on panicking, I may start now.
Adam: There’s been a plot. An assassination plot.
Christine: Oh my god!
Eleanor: What are you yelling about? I am trying to fill out a crossword!
Christine: There’s an assassination plot.
Eleanor: On…?
Christine: He hasn’t told me yet.
Eleanor: Perhaps allow him to?
Christine: You interrupted me!
Adam: The plot is being thwarted.
Christine: Being thwarted? Or it’s already been thwarted?
Adam: They are arresting those responsible for a plot to assassinate His Majesty the King.
Christine: Lord.
Eleanor: He does typically live here. Are we safe here?
Adam: We are going to go to the panic room and wait out the threat.
Christine: I’m confused. Are we in active danger or not?
Adam: You are not targets, and those who were planning the attack are being arrested now. We’re just on lockdown until we can ensure that everyone has been captured.
Eleanor: Was this plot supposed to be enacted today?
Adam: Yes.
Eleanor: And you have let my son go out in public rather that warning him?
Adam: Some mistakes were made.
Christine: Again, I say… lord.
Adam: Who all is in the palace today?
Christine: Just the two of us, and Mandy.
Eleanor: Must we take Mandy to the panic room? No one is going to bother killing her.
Adam: All residents will be taken to the panic room.
Christine: Come on, Mandy, we’re going on an adventure!
Mandy: Weee!
Eleanor: This is going to be hell.
Christine: I don’t think a trip to the panic room is meant to be fun.
Eleanor: Mandy looks quite excited.
Christine: Well… Mandy’s barely human.
Later that day…
Claude: Madam Prime Minister, thank you for meeting with me.
Andrea: Of course! I mean, what a terrifying ordeal for you. I’m just happy you’re safe.
Claude: The public doesn’t know yet. I would like you to address them about it.
Andrea: Absolutely. It’s my duty to inform the public about national events. They should hear this straight from me. A crime was nearly committed agains the entire nation.
Claude: I really wasn’t close to dying.
Andrea: They had weapons, they were going to ambush you! It was very detailed! I’m furious that no one actually intervened to keep you from going out in public today.
Claude: Look, they took me to a lovely bunker and I got to go there and play cards with the boys, it was lovely. It’s not a concern! I just want the public briefed by a trustworthy source.
Andrea: I want an investigation into how this was all handled. I think it was mismanaged. You should’ve been informed well before today that there was a credible threat on your life. I can’t believe this has happened!
Claude: That is your prerogative. I won’t stand in your way.
Andrea: I’ll head back to Downing Street and prepare for this address. It has to be soon before those hounds in the press learn of what happened.
Claude: My god, I just realized my family doesn’t even know about this.
Andrea: Do you want some time to inform them before my address? I wouldn’t want them finding out from me.
Claude: I just worry about Olivia accidentally telling the world before you get a chance to. She has such a mouth on her.
Andrea: Well, that’s your call to make.
Claude: You go prepare, I’ll call my sister and brothers. Christine’s already told the kids.
Andrea: Sounds like a plan! I’m so sorry for what happened. It was such a terrible shock to be briefed on it myself, I can’t imagine how you felt.
Claude: Look, as much as I struggled today, my mother made sure to point out that she suffered more by having to spent time in the panic room with my cousin Mandy.
Andrea: That does sound difficult. That’s the demented one, correct?
Claude: Yes.
Andrea: She scared me one time. I was walking down the hall and suddenly she opened the door and just started screaming to get out.
Claude: Oh, she does that sometimes. We’ve learned to live with it.
A bit later…
Olivia: Claude! Haven’t heard from you in damn near twenty-four hours! What are you calling to check in on now?
Claude: Liv, there was an incident today. Did mum really not tell you?
Olivia: Mum doesn’t know how to use a phone! What was this incident?
Claude: I very nearly died.
Olivia: Excuse me?
Claude: That’s a bit overdramatic, actually. But there was a plot on my life! Terrorists tried to kill me because they hate the monarchy!
Olivia: God, can’t they just run for Parliament like normal republicans? Or better yet, move to the US!
Claude: Are you comprehending the depth of what I’m telling you?
Olivia: Someone tried to kill you.
Claude: An organized network of terrorists tried to kill me! It was thwarted at the last moment. I could have ben taken out.
Olivia: Such a foolish thing. Take out the prime minister, she has a life ahead of her. With you… just wait a few years for nature to take its course!
Fred: What are you talking about, dear?
Olivia: Oh, my brother was almost killed today. No biggie.
Fred: “No biggie?”
Claude: Thank you, Fred!
Olivia: Don’t be a kissass, Claude.
Olivia hangs up on Claude, who returns to the living room.
Christine: Dear, have you informed your siblings?
Claude: Olivia hung up on me.
Christine: See, this ask why Selina despises her.
Eleanor: I think she has other reasons. The Fred of it all. So petty.
Claire: I’m just so confused by this plot. If they killed you, they’d just be giving the country a younger king who has a nation rallying behind him in the face of his father’s tragic killing. This seems like a very inefficient way to achieve their goal.
Christine: Maybe they planned to kill us all, in which case, the panic room was insufficient!
Eleanor: Do not ever remind me of that panic room ever again. I considered smothering Mandy.
Christine: She wouldn’t have even realized it was happening.
Arthur: Dear, I really appreciate your considering the logistics of this terror plot to kill my father. It brings much-needed levity to this situation.
Claire: Happy to help.
The next day…
Midge: Claude, we have a problem!
Claude: How on earth did you get in?
Christine: I let her in, she claimed there was an emergency.
Claude: What’s the emergency?
Midge: This assassination plot has not been the unifying message we were expecting!
Claude: Who is “we?”
Midge: Have you watched today’s Loose Women?
Claude: Why would I?
Midge: They think the family is taking advantage of a security threat to boost your public image.
Claude: That is ludicrous!
Eleanor: I can call the BBC and have them removed from the air in an instant!
Midge: They air on ITV.
Eleanor: A lawless nightmare.
Midge: There are also people calling this staged.
Claude: How would it be staged?
Midge: They think you set up these young men because they don’t approve of the monarchy.
Claude: These are not stable people. This is not my problem.
Claire: I don’t know, if the Loose Women are against you…
Claude: Do you all not have better things to do?
Gigi: We’re here to support you in this time of need! Though, we may need to distance ourselves, since you’re apparently public enemy #1 now.
Claude: This is all just asinine! Really, it is. It was a genuine plot on my life, I don’t care what lunatics think.
Midge: There are people who did find the prime minister’s interruption of Love Island to be distasteful.
Claude: Love Island is what’s distasteful!
Gigi: Too far!
Olivia: Claude, I say this with love… you aren’t experiencing anything I haven’t dealt with in the last twenty years. Welcome to my life!
Claude: I don’t like it!
Olivia: No one does!
What did you think of this week's episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
