Eleanor: Big day today, my lovelies! Another wonderful celebration of our King is on its way.
Ethan: He isn’t celebrated nearly enough, thank god we’ve got Trooping the Colour.
Claire: I’ve never understood the name. What does it mean?
Arthur: That’s not any off our business.
Claude: It comes from a very old military tradition.
Ethan: As old as you?
Claude: I’m not much older than you!
Ethan: Oh, yes you are.
Claude: They used to call the Army “Colours” because of their colorful uniforms. Trooping obviously means marching. So it just means it’s a military march.
Arthur: I said it wasn’t our business to know! Now you’ve ruined the mystery.
Eleanor: Mystery is not the objective of the parade. It is a day to unite as a nation, to show national spirit and love for our monarch!
Claire: It is good for us to be united. We are called the United Kingdom, after all. We want to live up to the name.
Alicia: Eleanor, do you ever miss the parade centering around you?
Eleanor: What a silly question.
Nathan: I didn’t think it was a silly question.
Alicia: Thank you, dear.
Veronica: Am I allowed out on the balcony?
Eleanor: Such a silly request, you know the answer’s no!
Veronica: All right, thank you for always making me feel so welcome. Glad I flew in from New York for this.
Claude: We’ll let you fill the balcony out if Olivia forgets to show.
Veronica: That’s something!
Arthur: Where’s mum? She’s always ready early for these events.
Claude: She isn’t feeling too well. Don’t tell her I said this, but it’s her tummy.
Ethan: “Tummy?” Are we ten?
Selina: I think it’s sweet to speak so delicately about your wife. You should try it.
Ethan: I don’t have a wife who it would fitting to speak delicately about.
Eleanor: My concern is… where is Olivia? I told her to be here promptly at nine, and she is at least fifteen minutes late.
Ethan: Well, there could be traffic.
Eleanor: She lives ten minutes away! And that is how long it takes me to walk! I’m ninety!
Arthur: Actually, nan, you’re ninety-s-
Eleanor: Do not finish that. Are you trying to rush me to the grave?
Arthur: Of course not!
Nathan: Yeah, he’d rather rush papa to the grave. Then he could be king. I can’t relate… I never will be.
Christine: Oh, stop your blubbering. You speak as if you’re destitute.
Nathan: Compared to -
Arthur: Mum! Good to see you up! How are you feeling?
Christine: A bit better. Just an upset stomach, I’ll make it.
Veronica: I am willing to take your place in the event you feel ill again. I’ll put on your hat, nobody will notice from afar.
Christine: You don’t think anyone would notice the Queen’s been replaced by an American commoner?
Eleanor: I still get full-body shivers when you call yourself that.
Claire: You’ll always be the Queen in our eyes.
Eleanor: Thank you, dear.
Christine: I should disown you!
Claire: Please don’t. This will be my palace in a few years, I would hate to have to kick you out when that happens.
Claude: Why does everyone always assume I’m going to die first? And in just a few years?
Christine: Darling… we all know I’m outliving you.
Claude: I don’t think we do!
Ethan: It is the general assumption.
Mandy: Why are you making me dress like this? I don’t like this!
Olivia: Because we’re going to be in public!
Mandy: You look silly!
Olivia: You always look silly!
Claude: Ah, I forgot we put her in charge of getting Mandy here!
Olivia: Thanks a lot, by the way.
Gigi: I’ve had fun watching it.
Fred: Never again.
Christine: I’m surprised the Last King of Scotland’s not shown up in a kilt.
Fred: I’ve moved on from my Scottish obsession.
Olivia: Yes, I threatened to throw him out of the apartment if he didn’t stop playing that damned bagpipe. That straightened him out.
Fred: It’s a beautiful instrument.
Claude: I will throw it off the balcony if I see it for a second.
Olivia: It’s already been donated.
Gigi: Who would want it?
Olivia: No longer my concern.
Midge: All right, now that we’re here, I think it’s time to go!
Christine: Who put you in charge?
Midge: I’m here to assist.
Christine: Claude, are her services really needed?
Claude: I didn’t even notice she was gone for six months, so I think that answers the question.
Midge: I would ask you not to fire me on such a special day.
Claude: It’s my special day, not yours.
Claire: I thought it was a day of national unity.
Claude: We all know that’s a bunch of hogwash. It’s a parade about how great I am and how much the country should appreciate me. I hate it.
Eleanor: How dare you? It is tradition!
Claude: Not all traditions are good. This one’s outdated.
Ethan: You go along with it every year, though.
Olivia: This is so funny! I love mess I’m not involved in.
Selina: I blame you for this anyway. You’re made them all think it’s acceptable to be untraditional!
Eleanor: We are having the parade!
Claude: That much is obvious! Can’t cancel it now! I just think it’s outdated, and maybe we do away with it in the future.
Eleanor: Not on my watch!
Olivia: Mum, let’s be honest… you won’t be around to watch much longer.
Eleanor: This is why Anthony is my favorite.
Ethan: Because he’s not around enough to upset you?
Eleanor: Correct!
Olivia: All right, everyone ready for the parade? I think we owe it to our subjects to grace them with our presence and present a united front!
Eleanor: Do not grin like that!
Olivia: I’m just enjoying this day so much!
Arthur: Mum, are you all right?
Christine: I’m fine!
Claire: You’re never so concerned about me!
Arthur: How long does menopause last?
Todd: I think Gigi’s ben going through it for about… forty years?
Gigi: I can’t legally say what’s running through my mind in the presence of our king.
Mandy: Why am I here again?
Ethan: We’re all wondering the same thing.
Fred: I’m beginning to think Anthony is the smartest in the family.
Eleanor: He always has been my special boy!
One hour later…
Gigi: I’m getting tired of standing. I forgot how boring this was.
Alicia: Mom, I’m glad they let you come out anyway.
Veronica: Thank you, Midge. They couldn’t possibly refuse to let an in-law out here if they were letting you out, and you did glue yourself to the ground.
Midge: I love attention, what can I say?
Eleanor: Shh! You are to be neither seen nor heard!
Mandy: I’m in Disneyland!
Olivia: Who ever took her to Disneyland?
Eleanor: She had a whole life of her own before the Alzheimer’s had its way with her.
Christine: Claude, is it almost over?
Claude: Uh… what’s the proper answer here, dear?
Christine collapses onto the ground.
Claude: Dear! Are you all right?
Arthur: We have to get mum to a hospital. Immediately!
Eleanor: But the parade!
Olivia: This has taken an un-fun turn.
Fred: Welcome to my life.
At the hospital…
Olivia: Any news yet?
Claude: They’re running some tests, that’s really all I know. She’s top priority, obviously.
Eleanor: Dear, it is very likely nothing serious. Sometimes, someone will faint. It could be dehydration, exhaustion, stress… try not to panic.
Claude: It’s just hard to keep calm at a time like this.
Olivia: You know what they say… keep calm and carry on.
Claude: I think panic is an understandable reaction at a time like this.
Ethan: Speaking of panic, did we forget Mandy at the palace?
Veronica: I was under the impression that we were supposed to leave her there. She’d just cause mayhem here.
Ethan: Alone?
Nathan: There’s plenty of staff to watch over her.
Eleanor: They say she is our responsibility, and that they are not paid to babysit her. I disagree, but Claude refuses to take proper action.
Claude: We need to just put her in a home, but that’s not my top concern right now.
Veronica: Should I go -
Olivia: No, Midge can go.
Midge: Why is Midge going?
Olivia: You don’t need to be here. You’re not family.
Midge: Neither is Veronica. They didn’t even want her on the balcony!
Ethan: You aren’t even wearing any shoes!
Midge: I was serious when I said I was gluing myself to that balcony!
Ethan: I’m embarrassed, and I’m not easy to embarrass.
Doctor: Your majesty!
Claude: Yes, doctor!
Doctor: The Queen is awake and alert.
Claude: Wonderful! What was the matter with her?
Doctor: We don’t know. I do have suspicions, but I want the tests to confirm them before I get you concerned.
Eleanor: It’s cancer, isn’t it?
Olivia: Mum, you used contractions!
Eleanor: Desperate times, dear.
Doctor: I believe it’s systemic mastocytosis. I’ve seen patients with the disease display similar symptoms. It is a diagnosis that takes some time to confirm, sometimes several years, but we will try to hurry here. We’re got all our best people on it, they’ll get to the bottom of this!
Claude: This, uh…. systemic… ma… whatever it’s called.
Doctor: Systemic mastocytosis.
Claude: Yeah! What’s the prognosis?
Doctor: I believe this is a more mild case. With treatment, which would include daily pills, she would live a normal life. You may just have similar instances of fainting or stomach pain or fatigue or even rashes. It’s rarely life-threatening.
Claude: That’s wonderful! I think.
Doctor: It’s much less serious than it could have been. And, thankfully, she avoided any head injuries while falling.
Claude: Can I see her? And can she come home?
Doctor: I do want to keep her, but you can absolutely see her. Everyone can stop in and see her if they take turns. We just don’t have the space in there for everybody.
Eleanor: Come on, we shall visit her.
Claude: Can I not go see my wife myself?
Eleanor: So selfish.
In Christine’s room…
Christine: Darling! My gosh, how’d I get here?
Claude: You really didn’t want to be at that parade. Very dramatic way to go about it.
Christine: You were the one complaining about it, last I recall.
Claude: I’m just glad you’re all right.
Christine: I’m not getting ahead of myself! No test results have come back yet, this could be serious!
Claude: I trust the medical team. And I trust that all will be well. They suspect this isn’t anything life-threatening, it just has a scary name.
Christine: Imagine what’s being said in the press right now about me. I’m sure everyone’s convinced I’m dead or dying.
Claude: I don’t care, because I have eyes, and I can see you’re full of life.
Christine: Be honest. You thought there was a chance I was dead.
Claude: Don’t make me answer that.
Christine: Ha! You did think it!
Claude: It’s always a possibility!
Christine: I suppose you should let the children come in, so they can get proof of life.
Claude: I think everyone out there is too concerned about Mandy. Let’s just keep it you and I.
Christine: Did something happen?
Claude: Nothing besides her being left at Buckingham alone.
Christine: Well, that isn’t ideal.
Claude: Nothing involving her ever is.
What did you think of this week's episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
