Betty pulls up at the drop-off zone at the airport.
Betty: Are you two sure you have to go home to Florida for Christmas?
Jeanette: We already skipped going home for Thanksgiving, mostly because we couldn’t afford it. We can’t miss Christmas, too. The plane ticket home was a gift rom the kids.
Betty: Well, it was worth a shot.
Rick: Was it? We’re at the airport, Bet.
Betty: I’m incredibly persuasive.
Rick: Not quite enough to make us ditch our flight plans minutes before we check in for our flight.
Betty: Regardless, I do hope you two have a nice holiday. Will you be back for New Year’s?
Jeanette: You know what? I’m really not sure.
Betty: You’re not sure? How are you not sure?
Jeanette: We don’t have tickets for the trip home yet. Jack said we can stay at his house through the new year if we’re comfortable, but he admitted that his guest room isn’t all that comfortable, so he’s letting us make up our mind on when we want to come home before he buys tickets.
Betty: Well, just in case you aren’t back, happy new year.
Jeanette: We’ll talk to you before then, no?
Betty: I don’t know, I’m very busy. Not sure I’ll have time for people that didn’t choose to spend the holidays with me.
Jeanette: Oh my god, Betty. Do you have to be difficult?
Rick: Would she be Betty if she weren’t?
Jeanette: Good point.
Rick: I have a lot of those.
Jeanette: All right, we have to go. Getting late.
Rick: Our flight leaves in two hours.
Jeanette: Yeah, that’s when they tell you to get here! Don’t want to be late, do you?
Rick: I think we’re good.
Jeanette: If we leave now.
Rick: I got it. Getting out of the car. See you, Betty. Merry Christmas.
Betty: Merry Christmas, Rick. Merry Christmas, Jeanette.
Jeanette: I hope you don’t take it too personal that we’re going home for the holidays. They’re our kids, you know?
Betty: It’s fine. I know what they mean to you, although they’re not the ones who gave you a house to stay in while you got back on your feet…
Jeanette: Here you go.
Betty: I’m just messing with you. Mostly.
Jeanette: Okay, I will see you in a few weeks. Merry Christmas, Betty.
Betty: Have fun down thee. Although, you know, it never really feels like “Christmas” down in Florida. Not like in Virginia…
Jeanette: Goodbye, Betty.
Jeanette gets out of the car and closes the door behind her.
Betty: Oh my god, I forgot to give them their presents! I have to track them down and give them to them!
Betty grabs their presents from the backseat and jumps out of car with them.
Betty: Jeanette! Rick! I have something for you! Wait!
Jeanette: Oh god, she’s trying to lag us down.
Rick: Just keep walking, we’re old, it’s completely believable that we wouldn’t hear her.
Jeanette: I’m staring right at her.
Rick: You’re half-blind. Just get in the damn airport and then we can get a nice break from all of this.
Betty: Guys!
Rick: Oh my god, you’re fast for an old gal.
Betty: When I set my mind to something…
Jeanette: Are you trying to stop us one last time?
Betty: No, I have presents!
Jeanette: Presents?
Rick: Can we take them on the plane or are you just gonna take them home with you?
Betty: They’re small. Don’t worry. Here you go.
Jeanette: Thank you, Betty.
Rick: It’s a hat, right?
Jeanette: Just open it. Quickly. We’re late.
Rick: It’s a hat.
Betty: Jeanette, yours is really special.
Rick: What, my Marlins hat isn’t special?
Betty: Of course it is. It’s just not as personal.
Jeanette: Aww, a “sisters” necklace. Very sweet. All right, time to go.
Betty: Do you like it?
Jeanette: Love it. See you later, dear.
Rick: Bet… run to your car.
Betty: What? Why?
Rick: It’s being towed.
One hour later…
Betty: Can you believe those heartless monsters would tow someone a week before Christmas?
Karl: Laws still exist even when it’s a week before Christmas.
Betty: Are you defending those Scrooges?
Karl: No… I’m just saying, they’re not going to go easy on anyone because it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
Betty: I guess I just have too much faith in humanity.
Karl: Let’s just be glad I heard my phone. Otherwise, you’d have been stranded in the cold. Because you know damn well no one else would’ve come to get you.
Betty: I could’ve sat in the lobby until someone got there for me.
Karl: Isn’t that considered loitering? Do you really want to get in more legal trouble?
Betty: Good thing we didn’t have to worry about that. Now, I need to cheer myself up after this. Let’s go buy a new Christmas decoration.
Karl: We already have to pay the fine to get your car back from the impound lot.
Betty: Not my fault! Jeanette and Rich left the car before I could give them their gifts!
Karl: We don’t have the money to waste on more decorations.
Betty: Oh, but we do. The store’s doing really well lately. We can splurge!
Karl: That money’s supposed to go towards buying presents. Not more decorations we don’t need.
Betty: I just need something to cheer me up!
Karl: We’ll make you some hot cocoa when we get home.
One hour later…
Teri: What in god’s name is that?
Karl: That’s our new blow mold. Your mother insisted on buying it to cheer her up.
Teri: Is that why it took three hours to drop two people off at the airport? And why’s dad home from work already?
Betty: Funny story… cast got towed. I am going to need someone to drive me to pick it up on Monday, as they are now closed for the weekend. Tammi?
Tammi: I have to work.
Betty: Danielle?
Danielle: Why not? Not like I have anything better to do.
Betty: Thank you!
Ralph: So where is that giant Christmas contraption going?
Karl: Eh, probably on the balcony facing the street.
Ralph: But that’s in my room.
Karl: Very observant!
Ralph: I’m losing my balcony to mom’s giant penguin in a knit hat?
Betty: It’s cold outside! Not like you’re going out there anyway!
Ralph: It’s the principle.
Steven: We have news.
Tammi: Your baby wants you.
Alysa: She looks quite content in your arms.
Teri: Where were you two sneaky kids? Trying to make another kid before you’re twenty?
Alysa: God no. I’m never doing that again.
Steven: Never?
Alysa: You got one, is that not enough trauma to make me endure?
Jerry: Ah, marriage. Isn’t it great?
Cindy: Yes. Right?
Jerry: Of course!
Cindy: Good to know. No coal in your stocking this year.
Danielle: I wish I had someone to even give me that much.
Ralph: You’ve got Teri!
Teri: I don’t think that’s quite the same.
Ralph: It’s better!
Tammi: What was your big announcement, kids?
Steven: Okay, I know this is last-minute, but -
Tammi: Yes, Anita can come for Christmas.
Betty: Excuse me? She can not. Ruin my Thanksgiving, sure. But leave Christmas the hell alone!
Steven: We are going to Anita’s beach house in North Carolina for Christmas. We felt guilty about -
Betty collapses to the couch.
Steven: Grandma, are you okay?
Betty: I might as well just die. My grandson choosing my nemesis over me is proof of that.
Karl: Don’t joke around like that!
Betty: It’s no joke! This is a betrayal.
Alysa: Think of how my mom feels, though. We spend every holiday here.
Betty: That’s what brings me joy, thinking of her in pain, knowing you chose us over her!
Tammi: Grandma, this is really not about you. It’s about me. My son doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me! He wants to deprive me of spending my granddaughter’s first Christmas with her!
Betty: Oh my god, I didn’t even think of that. This is horrible!
Teri: I think just watching the Grinch together could really heal us.
Tammi: I think I just need a minute.
Steven: Did I just ruin Christmas?
Teri: Probably. Sorry, kid. I know you didn’t intend to upset everyone. It’s a hard balance to strike.
Steven: We didn’t make the decision lightly. It’s just that Anita is so set on spending the holidays in North Carolina, and so we know we couldn’t spend the day with everyone.
Teri: And that’s just something you’ll always have to juggle. Don’t feel bad.
Betty: Easy for you to say!
Teri: You think I don’t want to see him on Christmas? Of course I do! But even though I’m one of the only losers here who hasn’t ever been married -
Ralph: Hey!
Teri: - I know that marriage involves compromise. Sometimes the husband gets to spend the holidays with their family, sometimes the wife does. We’ll survive. We’ll adapt.
Frank: Steven, Alysa, I want you both to be happy. It’ll be hard to not see you for Christmas, but I understand. And your mother will too, eventually.
Betty: I won’t! Everyone is abandoning me for Christmas!
Cindy: You have us!
Betty: Not good enough!
Cindy: Of course we aren’t.
Steven: Next year, we’ll spend it with you. And maybe we can spend Thanksgiving at Anita’s.
Betty: Hands off Thanksgiving.
Alysa: But you said -
Betty: Do I look like I’m thinking rationally right now?
Jerry: Are you ever?
Steven: You know, you guys could all come with to Anita’s. There’s room.
Betty: Spend my Christmas at Anita DeFleur’s house? I’d rather die.
Karl: Then stop complaining! This is too much!
Danielle: She’s had a bad day. Maybe let’s put her down for a nap.
Alysa: I think I should feed Caitlin.
Betty: Are you sure about that? Do you not have any more crushing news to drop on us first?
Teri: Mom, knock it o.
Betty: I will not!
Cindy: She’ll calm down eventually.
Three days later…
Frank: Have fun, kids. Enjoy your Christmas, and make sure to send all the pictures of you opening up your gifts. Especially Caitlin!
Steven: Thanks, dad.
Tammi: I’m going to miss you a lot. Make sure to call when you get there. I wish we could spend the day together.
Steven: You could always come with!
Tammi: No, I’m gonna stay here. Just too much going on to add in our hours of traveling. We’ll celebrate together when you get home.
Steven: Well, you know you’re welcome to change your mind.
Teri: Mom… you want to add anything?
Betty: Drive safe, and remember what you’ve done. You’ve broken the heart of a very old woman.
Teri: Good lord. Laying it on a bit thick, no?
Jerry: That’s her specialty.
Steven: I’m very sorry to hurt your feelings, grandma Betty. We’ll have a nice celebration with you when we get home. I promise.
Betty: Not the same!
There’s a knock on the door.
Karl: I’ll get it. Whoever it is, dealing with it can’t be any worse than this.
Karl opens the door.
Anita: Thank god you’re still here!
Alysa: What’s wrong?
Betty: Can this Christmas get any worse? Now I had to see her on Christmas Eve Eve Eve!
Danielle: At least you got your car back.
Betty: It’s not worth what I paid to get it back.
Anita: We’re not going to North Carolina. There’s an awful snow storm that’s not going to clear up until Christmas Eve, and I don’t want to be on the road then. We’ll have to do it another time. I’m sorry to mess up your plans.
Tammi: God is good! Hallelujah!
Betty: Didn’t mess anything up here! Now, get out! We have celebrating to do!
Anita: I take it I’m not invited for Christmas?
Betty: After watt you tried? Hell no!
Karl: We’ll see you Thursday.
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the Princess Royal holiday special next week! Our House will return in January!
