On the set of Bake Your Heart Out…
Sam: This week, we asked you to make three desserts inspired by Florida - your specialty challenge using orange and citrus flavors, your judge’s challenge of baking a key lime pie, and your grand challenge, where you made an elevated version of the official state dessert of Florida, the strawberry shortcake.
Diane: And here I thought their official state dessert was a Publix key lime pie!
Sam: I thought it was a churro from Disney World.
Diane: Anyway, some of you rose to the challenge, much like the Floridian sun.
Sam: Some of you, sadly, did not make magic here in the most magical place on earth.
Diane: Andrea, Michaeleen, Zachariah, the judges where very impressed with all three of you. You all took creative leaps that set you apart, and your risks paid off.
Sam: However, above all, the judges were impressed with Michaeleen’s elaborate strawberry shortcake, decorated to resemble Cinderella’s castle. You are top baker this week!
Diane: Greg, Han, Kim, Regina, Tyler, you’re all safe.
Sam: Ivan, the judges were disappointed in your specialty challenge and your judge’s challenges this week, but you made up for it in the grand challenger. You are safe.
Diane: That leaves Leslie and Victoria.
Sam: Leslie, the judges were confused by why you went with a lime-themed cookie for your specialty challenge, knowing that you would be making key-lime pie later. They felt you played it too safe with what was essentially a classic sugar cookie, especially given that the lime flavor was lacking overall. Your grand challenge also wasn’t not grand, and your attempt and shaping your cake like the state of Florida itself was a bit… flaccid.
Diane: Victoria, your orange-vanilla cake was a struggle for the judges, who were confused by the choice to not candy your orange peels before mixing them into the batter, making for an unpleasant consistency. Your key lime pie was also runny, though the judges were impressed with your decorative skills in the grand challenge, as you sculpted an alligator out of strawberry shortcake.
Sam: Sadly, while both of you have done so well in this competition, and it’s been a pleasure to get to know you both, one of you does need to leave.
Diane: The baker leaving the competition this week, after a review of both your bakes this week and your record in the competition, is… Victoria.
Sam: Victoria, you have been a delight, and we will miss you.
Diane: And for all of us at Bake Your Heart Out, I’m Sam Ellwood
Sam: No, I’m Sam Ellwood
Diane: Then I’m reading the wrong line on the teleprompter.
Sam: One of us is Sam Ellwood, goodnight!
Diane: And I’m Diane Smith!
Leslie: Uh… cut!
Frances: Was that a planned bit?
Diane: No, I need reading glasses.
Sam: How do you not have them already?
Diane: I usually wear contacts. I forgot to put them in before I left the hotel.
Charlotte: So that’s why you looked like that when you were reading the menu at breakfast today! I thought there was something sticky on the menu and I was just glad you picked that one up instead of me!
Diane: Oh, there was something sticky on the menu. I think someone dunked it in syrup and they forgot to clean it.
Sam: I’m just glad we finally get some much-needed rest and relaxation. I need a good break, and some place fun to visit!
Leslie: Excuse me? All you’ve had to do is talk and eat desserts for two days straight!
Sam: It’s hard on the stomach and the throat, Leslie. And I have a minor citrus allergy, so it’s made it even more difficult!
Garry: Why would you eat foot you’re allergic to?
Sam: Because it’s delicious? Duh!
Melanie: How “minor” is this allergy? Do we need to find an epipen?
Sam: I don’t think allergies take six to thirty hours to kick in. I’m good.
Diane: How have I never heard of you having a citrus allergy before?
Sam: It’s just minor. Some mouth tingling, a bit of an upset stomach. I can handle it, I’m a champion.
Diane: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
Frances: So what’s the plan for the rest of the week? We are in the theme part capitol of the world.
Garry: I won’t go to Seaworld. I love whales, but I can’t look past the cruelty aspect.
Sam: Did anyone ask you?
Charlotte: Is there anyone on the planet whose first choice in Orlando is Seaworld? Why even bring that up?
Sam: He wants to feel superior.
Frances: So what is the actual plan?
Sam: We’re going to Disney World! Come on!
Diane: I would’ve liked to check out the new park at Universal.
Sam: Diane… it’s Disney World. You can’t compete with Disney World.
Garry: I also struggle with how you ethically visit The Harry Potter area at Universal, due to JK Rowling -
Sam: My lord. We’re on vacation -
Jacqueline: You’re working. This is not a vacation.
Sam: Oh god, how long have you been listening in?
Jacqueline: I’ve been standing in the area the whole time, and it’s not like you’re whispering.
Sam: That is spying, and it’s illegal.
Jacqueline: Good god, I work here! I wasn’t hiding or anything. And you didn’t say anything top-secret. Don’t worry, I won’t invite myself to your Disney World trip.
Diane: We haven’t settled on it being Disney yet, actually.
Sam: We’re going to Disney World!
Leslie: I have to work.
Sam: You are going to Disney World.
The next day…
Nicolle: Honey, you’re skipping.
Sam: I’m happy!
Frances: It feels strange to see her so giddy. This is not natural.
Sam: I’ve never been to Disney World before!
Garry: Never?
Sam: Don’t judge me, Garry! I’ll deck you!
Garry: I wasn’t… never mind.
Sam: This place really is magical.
Charlotte: We haven’t walked in yet.
Carly: Garry, some help with the stroller?
Garry: Oh, right!
Sam: I just sense the magic in the air.
Leslie: Guys, we have four days here, there are four parks, we have to be smart about this.
Sam: We’re famous, we’re successful, Paul’s gonna let us stay here however long we please.
Diane: I don’t think so, though.
Leslie: Yeah, we’re on a tight schedule. Jacqueline’s a dictator.
Sam: Then let’s stop standing around and get on some rides!
Frances: I don’t do major thrill rides. Can we try and stick to more mild rides?
Charlotte: Frances, eight year olds ride these rides.
Frances: I’m not as young as I once was.
Sam: That is a fact, yeah.
Frances: I don’t want to act like a granny, but I’m just not one for thrill rides.
Sam: We’ll keep you safe, don’t worry.
Frances: I want to go in the space ball. It looks neat.
Sam: Will you be able to handle that one? They might secretly have a roller coaster tucked in there.
Frances: Don’t taunt me.
Park greeter: Hello, welcome to EPCOT! May I have your - oh my goodness, it’s Garry Mollen!
Sam: Notice anyone else?
Park greeter: I’m a huge Ballroom Celebrities fan! What have you been up to?
Garry: Oh, I’m on, um… I don’t want to brag, but it’s there #1 show in America. It’s called Bake Your Heart Out!
Park greeter: I haven’t had much Leslie to watch TV lately, I work odd hours. I’m glad you’re still doing well! Could you sign an autograph for me?
Garry: Of course! You want a picture?
Park greeter: That would be amazing!
Sam: You don’t recognize us?
Park greeter: Sorry, no. Are you Garry’s wife?
Sam: Diane, catch me.
Diane does not catch Sam.
Sam: Ouch!
Diane: You didn’t give me enough time to prepare.
Sam: Well, now I need a bandaid.
Garry: That’s my friend. This is my wife. And those are my kids.
Park greeter: What a lovely family!
Sam: We are not friends!
Later that day, in EPCOT…
Diane: Sam, are you sure you’re okay?
Sam: I’m fine!
Nicolle: You look dazed. Did you hit your head?
Sam: I’ll be fine once I get some food. I just need some food.
Frances: I still feel woozy.
Charlotte: The Figment ride made you woozy? We were just sitting in a car moving at low speed!
Frances: But it went in a circle.
Garry: Frances, even for me, that’s a bit ridiculous.
Sam: And he thinks milk is spicy!
Garry: I do not! I’m much more of a daredevil than you think.
Sam: All right, right after lunch, Test Track. The fastest ride in the park.
Garry: I’m down for it! I drive on a highway!
Diane: Well, you do that in LA. What’s the fastest speed we can hit there, ten miles an hour?
Garry: It’s not always bumper-to-bumper traffic. I speed.
Sam: I’m reporting you to the police.
Frances: I don’t think I can handle the fastest ride in the park.
Sam: Can we at least do Soarin’?
Frances: I don’t like heights, either.
Diane: It’s not real. You’re just ten feet off the ground, staring at a projector.
Frances: Too much for me.
Carly: I can’t believe Frances is being more of a baby than my literal children.
Frances: I know my limits, and there’s value in that.
Sam: Frances, you’re riding the damn ride.
Frances: You can’t make me!
Leslie: Ladies, you’re causing a scene. I’m just trying to eat a cheeseburger here, I don’t want to end up on TMZ.
Charlotte: Me neither! Diane made me wear one of those Mickey Mouse ears, and now my hair’s messed up!
Diane: You looked adorable in it, that’s why I bought it for you.
Charlotte: And that can be a private thing between friends. I’m a serious actress, I can’t have Academy voters seeing me dressed up like a child at Disney World!
Diane: But you already won an Oscar!
Frances: Like you need to remind her.
Charlotte: I want more! Like Meryl, like Hepburn, like… Sean Penn.
Sam: That might be the first time in history someone’s ever said they want to be like Sean Penn.
Garry: I don’t know, a young Garry definitely wished to be married to Madonna.
Carly: But you ended up married to an even better musical superstar instead!
Later that day…
Diane: I do think it was a mistake to make her go on Test Track. And then to select the intense mission on Mission: Space. And then to make her run to the Frozen ride.
Sam: I wanted to beat the rain!
Garry: It didn’t even rain!
Sam: But I thought I heard thunder!
Garry: Is that why you bought that metal statue thing and made me hold it?
Sam: No! Not at all!
Frances: I think I’m gonna die.
Sam: This is your fault for ordering fish and chips. I told you to eat a burger like a normal person.
Frances: This is not the food! You made me go on a ride I didn’t want to, and now I’m not having a fun time!
Jacqueline: Frances! I thought I heard the sounds of your screams!
Sam: Of course she’s at EPCOT. She’s the human version of the United Kingdom Pavillon: no fun, nothing much to look at, and easily ignored.
Jacqueline: I think it’s wonderful we ran into each other here!
Sam: You told us you weren’t eavesdropping on our plans.
Jacqueline: You don’t own Disney World, Sam. It’s a famous location.
Frances: Can someone get me a Pepto Bismol? Or maybe a Dramamine?
Diane: Frances, you’re overdoing it.
Frances: This is not the most magical place on earth, get me home!
Charlotte: Well, I’m sure we’ll find more luck tomorrow in the Animal Kingdom. Unless, that is, one of us falls into the lion pit.
Sam: No! Don’t tell Jacqueline where we’re going! Now she’ll make sure to go and push us in!
Leslie: I think Frances is really gonna enjoy Expedition Everest.
Frances: I ain’t going on that!
Sam: Yes you are!
Diane: We should come here more often.
Sam: Unfortunately, there is one hangup in that plan: it involves us coming to Florida more often.
Diane: Maybe we just go to Disneyland next time.
Sam: And there’s no fish and chips there.
Frances: It was not the fish and chips!
Leslie: We should’ve just let her go spend the whole day inside the giant golf ball like she wanted.
Frances: I think Living with the Land looks very interesting!
Sam: Oh my god, the ride for 90 year old grandmas who need to sit down for an hour.
Charlotte: Sounds perfect for Frances, no?
What did you think of this week's episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
