Aimee is on the phone with Aileen.
Aimee: Senator…
Aileen: You sound upset.
Aimee: The election is tomorrow. You are aware of this, correct?
Aileen: Of course!
Aimee: Why did I just read an interview with you where you admitted you “never really wanted” the job?
Aileen: I was being honest! Before my brother died, I had no intent on ever being a politician.
Aimee: An honest politician? Are you joking? Get it together, Aileen!
Aileen: Am I supposed to lie? You told me to be authentic!
Aimee: I told you to show your authentic self. I didn’t tell you to broadcast to South Carolina that you never wanted to be a senator mere days before the election.
Aileen: I get so confused.
Aimee: I’m aware. Also, one more thing.
Aileen: What now?
Aimee: Why are you talking so much about transgender immigrants?
Aileen: They’re a real problem!
Aimee: For South Carolina?
Aileen: Yeah!
Aimee: In what way?
Aileen: I saw it on TV! On the news! They’re invading us!
Aimee: I don’t think this is the main concern of swing voters. You’re down a few points, you can make up the gap, but… not like this.
Aileen: I stick to my convictions.
Aimee: A campaign of bigotry is not one to be proud of.
Aileen: Is it bigoted, or is it wise?
Aimee: Bigoted.
Aileen: How?
Aimee: I don’t have time to explain this to you. Aileen, the polling looks so bad, you have to get on the ball here!
Aileen: I am! I’m focusing on the real issues!
Aimee: No, that’s… no, you’re not! My god, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.
Aileen: I’m not thirsty.
Aimee: Just like the voters of South Carolina are not thirsty to elect you.
Aileen: I don’t think it’s that bad. I’ve talked to so many people who are voting for me.
Aimee: At your own rallies?
Aileen: Yeah!
Aimee: Aileen, don’t be upset when I say this: I don’t think politics is for you.
Aileen: I agree! I never wanted to run! The governor made me! Something about the Supreme Court ruling on counting the ballots that already had Rich’s name on them. I don’t know.
Aimee: Okay. So, I’m glad we agree. I’m not an intense partisan, but I would prefer ifs the party wasn’t entirely slaughtered tomorrow, so I do still want you to win. I would advise you to not admit that in public again. Do we understand?
Aileen: Yes!
Aimee: I would also avoid the continuous jokes about dropping out of the race.
Aileen: Those are only jokes about half the time.
Aimee: Yeah, that’s also a problem.
Aileen: Do you just not want me to be me?
Aimee: You’ve got a day left, so I don’t think anything I can say will change much. But I do know there’s a story about to break about Alison Sharpe, and it can sway the race, so just… try not to screw that up too much. Please.
Aileen: You know me! Would I ever bail out a Democrat on purpose?
Aimee: On purpose? No. By accident? Yeah…
Aileen: I’m excited to find out what this scandal is!
Aimee: And I am not going to tell you, in order to minimize risk.
Aileen: That seems fair.
Aimee: I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Aileen. Good luck.
Aileen: Thank you! Good luck to you, too!
Aimee: I’m not on the ballot!
Aileen: You’re not?
Aimee: You really don’t follow politics closely.
Aileen: I’m gonna try to change that.
Aimee: I have a feeling you’re not going to need to.
Aimee hangs up.
Dave: That sounded painful.
Aimee: My god, was it ever.
Dave: Well, we’re almost in Spokane. I’m sure canvassing with Carolyn is going to cheer you right up.
Aimee: Oh, god, it’s going to be so awkward.
Dave: At least Lynette will be there!
Aimee: Are you trying to make it worse?
Dave: You love Lynette!
Aimee: She’s one of the kindest, most wonderful people I know. Also one of the worst political talents in American history. Her coming might just sink Carolyn worse!
Dave: Let’s be honest, honey: she wasn’t going to win anyway. This is just a courtesy you’re doing as her friend.
Aimee: I don’t know if I can call her a “friend” anymore. We had good times, I want what’s best for her, I know that definitively.
Dave: You’re friends. You’ve just… drifted.
Aimee: Yeah, you could say that.
Dave: Ah, looks like we’re here.
Aimee’s phone starts ringing.
Aimee: It’s Gerry.
Dave: Oh gosh.
Aimee: Yeah. That’s the correct reaction.
Aimee answers the phone.
Aimee: Gerry, what’s up?
Geraldine: Aimee, I have a question.
Aimee: I figured that much.
Geraldine: I know you’re probably busy, it election eve and all.
Aimee: Yeah.
Geraldine: Would you to be able to make it out to South Carolina tomorrow for a last-minute get-out-the-vote effort for Aileen. I’m heading to Kansas, Greg’s going to Montana, Harry will be in Missouri, we really have no one to babysit Aileen and try to help her get over the line.
Aimee: I’m supposed to be on TV tomorrow for election coverage. I guess I could still get to DC if I leave for South Carolina this evening and leave by, say, four.
Geraldine: That would work!
Aimee: How bad is it looking, Gerry?
Geraldine: Well, we’re actually pulling ahead in Alaska, I think. Louisiana is 50/50.
Aimee: I thought Louisiana was safe! The Republican Party might seriously have zero senate seats in Louisiana after this year?
Geraldine: We’re going to have zero seats in a lot of states, let’s just come to terms with that.
Aimee: I’m surprised Montana is even close enough to make Greg fly in.
Geraldine: Well, we weren’t going to send Lynette. It’s the one state we might actually flip!
Aimee: How’s Iowa?
Geraldine: We don’t have to talk about Iowa.
Aimee: Oh, whoa, whoa, Janie’s crying!
Geraldine; I actually don’t think the woman is capable of feeling emotions.
Aimee: It was a joke, Gerry. I was referencing the Van Halen song.
Geraldine: Van Halen, are they the guys who sing the Pour Some Sugar on Me song?
Aimee: Actually, that’s… totally correct, yes.
Geraldine: Well, I really thank you for all you’re doing to help us out this year. We’re lucky to have a loyal soldier like you.
Aimee: Remember that when the president is calling me a RINO!
Geraldine: I defend you to him often. It usually results in me being verbally accosted, but it’s worth it.
Aimee: I appreciate it. Now, I have to go canvass.
Geraldine: You’re canvassing today, too? Where?
Aimee: Spokane!
Geraldine: Oh… well, good luck with that.
Aimee: Thanks!
A bit later…
Carolyn: Aimee! My gosh, it’s been so long!
Aimee: I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me. This whole trip was Lynette’s idea.
Carolyn: Why would I not want to see you? You’re pretty much the only reason I have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this! Your lawsuit got the new maps tossed out.
Aimee: That’s true, I am a hero.
Lynette: Let’s not go that far, Aimee.
Carolyn: No, it’s pretty true in my case. She did something wonderful for me.
Aimee: For democracy!
Lynette: It’s good to see you two getting along.
Carolyn: We’ve always gotten along.
Lynette: Things have been… you know since… you know.
Aimee: Super informative, Lynette.
Lynette: Look, you guys were like THIS and then you stopped hanging out entirely. The faster we acknowledge it, the faster we move towards healing!
Aimee: Thank you, Dr. Phil.
Carolyn: He’s a supporter of mine, actually.
Aimee: Lovely.
Carolyn: All right, let’s go knock some doors before the big campaign rally!
Aimee: Let me change into my sneakers. I had my flip-flops on for the flight.
Lynette: Oh my god, Aimee! Flip-flops on a plane?
Aimee: I wanted to be comfy!
Lynette: That’s just psychotic.
Carolyn: It is.
Aimee: See, Lynette? We’re reconnecting and you’re already messing it up!
Lynette: I didn’t mean to… I’ll just shut up.
Later that night, Aimee is on the phone with her parents.
Cherie: You’re flying to South Carolina? And then to DC tomorrow?
Aimee: Yeah. I’ll be in Charleston for Senator Frankel-Hartman’s closing rally and to help with get-out the vote operations, then I fly in to DC to appear on an election night panel.
Cherie: I’m not happy about this, Aimee.
Ernesto: Cherie, she’s a grown woman. She’s a senator! Stop babying her.
Cherie: This is not good for her health!
Aimee: My health is fine!
Cherie: I keep seeing health scares for your fellow members, someone just had a stroke. It’s because of all the stress and all the wear that the travel takes on your body. You need to rest.
Aimee: Mom, I’m fine. Really. I have to work to help my party out. I owe it to them, it’s the responsibility I took upon assuming this role.
Cherie: Take care of yourself, please. Don’t wear yourself thin, it’s not healthy!
Kimmy: It’s a fool’s errand anyway, Aimee! You’re trying to get a moron elected.
Aimee: I’m well aware! She’s the worst candidate I’ve experienced in my decades in politics. I can’t believe she’s a major party nominee for US Senate. But we’re on the brink of extinction, I have to grin and bear it.
Cherie: I respect what you’re doing, I just wish you could do it without having to travel and work so hard.
Kimmy: Most people do have to travel for work, mom.
Cherie: Not like her!
Aimee: I don’t mind it. I know I was retiring four years ago because I didn’t want to keep flying cross-country, but I don’t mind it now! I’ve come to enjoy it!
Ernesto: Even I don’t believe that.
Aimee: It’s not as bad as it seems, really. Now, I just wanted to keep you guys updated. I’ll still be on TV tomorrow, you can see me there. I’ll be back here on Friday, so try not to miss me too much!
The next day…
Aimee: Aileen…
Aileen: Aimee! So great to see you! I feel so supported!
Aimee: I told you not to blow this!
Aileen: What do you mean?
Aimee: I mean that you literally defended Alison Sharpe when they asked you about the allegations she committed tax fraud.
Aileen: It was clearly just a clerical error! I’ve done it!
Aimee: Okay, but again… politics is a dirty business. When your opponent makes a mistake, let them! Don’t jump in to excuse it! Do you have a campaign manager? Am I your campaign manager? Oh my god, I need a cigarette. Actually, I need to get out of here.
Aileen: What? But -
Aimee: I’m prioritizing my mental health, like my mom told me to do last night. You’re screwed anyway!
Aileen: I don’t think -
Aimee: You are. Trust me! Unlike you, I know how to read the polls!
Later that night…
Dan Freberg (TV host): So, Senator Ferrera Donahue… it’s a little after 9 PM on the east coast, how are Republicans feeling?
Aimee: Well, not great, Dan. Have you looked at the map?
Dan: It’s not ideal.
Aimee: Not ideal? They called Georgia and North Carolina for the Democrats at poll closing!
Gwen: Very proud of it, too!
Aimee: South Carolina is just… oh my god.
Dan: You don’t think you’re going to come back there?
Aimee: Look at the numbers, Dan. Do you think we’re going to come back there?
Dan: I’m not paid to analyze the numbers, that’s Simon’s job.
Aimee: Well, Simon, how you feel about Aileen Frankel-Hartman’s chances? Cooked like a Thanksgiving turkey, no?
Simon: She’s the underdog.
Aimee: Underdog? She’s buried underground! Sorry, sorry, inappropriate phrasing. Rich Frankel was a friend.
Gwen: Aimee, are you okay?
Aimee: I had to babysit that woman for two months and she’s about to go up in flames because she can’t even allow her opponent to set herself on fire without trying to put it out!
Dan: I assume you’re referring to the tax payment scandal?
Aimee: Yes! Why, what other scandal did Aileen try to absolve Sharpe of? I’m sure there are others, hit me with them!
Dan: And we do indeed have a call in the key South Carolina senate race.
Aimee: And I’m sure it’s for Aileen, the people’s nepo sister!
Dan: Alison Sharpe, Hilton Head Island hotelier and city councilor, has been elected the first Democratic Senator for South Carolina in thirty years, defeating interim appointee Aileen Frankel-Hartman.
Aimee: So yeah, Dan. Not feeling great!
Gwen: Hey, look on the bright side: they haven’t called Texas yet!
Dan: And we do have a call from the decision desk in the Texas senate raceQ
Aimee: I think I need a minute.
Gwen: It’s gonna be one of those kinda nights, Dan.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
