The gang is at breakfast at a diner in Portland, Oregon.
Leslie: Last show of the season, guys. Everyone excited?
Diane: No! I don’t want it to be over!
Sam: You might be the only one.
Diane: Come on, we all love to work. Being on this show is a privilege.
Melanie: I really don’t think Sam’s shown that she “loves” to work.
Sam: Because only insane people do! My job is better than most, sure. I still prefer my freedom.
Frances: You could always retire, you’ve got plenty of money. I think it would be a great relief to Garry.
Garry: I’m afraid to respond to that in any way.
Sam: You should be.
Leslie: No one is retiring! Do we not all remember what happened last time?
Sam: Yeah, you got stuck with Charlotte!
Charlotte: You are lucky to have me!
Frances: She has an Oscar!
Charlotte: I most certainly do! Damn proud of it! And, thanks to my dedication to getting A Desert’s Night back on track, I’m getting another one.
Sam: That feels premature, no?
Charlotte: Not to me.
Diane: I think it’s great to have confidence in one’s self.
Sam: There’s confidence, and then there’s delusion.
Charlotte: I don’t find it delusional at all!
Sam: Delusional people rarely recognize their own delusions!
Leslie: I’m not doing this again! Just saying!
Frances: You don’t want to hear the same arguments for a second straight week?
Leslie: I didn’t even want to hear them for a second straight day!
Diane: Well, I’m glad to be here in Oregon.
Leslie: Finally, someone not complaining!
Diane: I haven’t been here in many years. I’ve always had a soft spot for it. They’ve got such a fascinating culture up here in the Pacific Northwest.
Sam: I believe they call that culture “Twin Peaks.” This place is freaky as hell!
Leslie: There goes the complaining again.
Melanie: Who’s going windsurfing with me later this week? It would be such a fun way to end this trip!
Frances: Do you have a death wish or something?
Sam: You would too if you lived in Rhode Island.
Melanie: Rhode Island is a wonderful place to live!
Sam: It’s a wonderful place to visit. It’s far too small to actually live in. There’s not nearly enough to do.
Frances: You do know they’re allowed to travel into other states, right?
Sam: Then why did we never do so in our many years filming there?
Diane: We went to Cape Cod!
Sam: Once!
Diane: You said never.
Nicolle: You came to visit me in New York one time.
Sam: That was for Upfronts, they don’t get credit for that. There was no other choice.
Carly: I finished my breakfast, can I got back to the room now?
Sam: Garry, she talks like she’s being held hostage. And suddenly, this marriage is finally starting to make some semblance of sense to me.
Garry: You can leave anytime, dear.
Carly: Thank you, I’m kinda bored sitting here listening to Sam complain all day.
Sam: I don’t complain!
Frances: Good one, Sam!
Later that day…
Jacqueline: Leslie, can we speak in private?
Leslie: Am I in trouble?
Frances: Don’t worry, it’s far more likely that Sam’s in trouble.
Leslie: That is true.
Jacqueline: We’re all in trouble. Truly.
Garry: Well, now I’m just scared.
Jacqueline: You should be.
Garry: Stop saying that!
Sam: No, please keep going.
Diane: Sam, knock it off.
Sam: What did I do?
Diane: You’re upsetting Garry. He’s sensitive.
Garry: I know you are attempting to defend me… maybe not quite like that.
Diane: Did I say something wrong?
Garry: I don’t like to be called “sensitive.”
Sam: You‘re saying you’re sensitive to it?
Garry: Shut up!
Sam: Wow. I’m reporting you to HR!
Garry: Please don’t.
Jacqueline: Leslie!
Leslie: Sorry, they distract me.
Jacqueline: I’m aware. They distract me, too. I barely even remember where I am sometimes after being subjected to their blathering.
Sam: We don’t -
Leslie: Come on, let’s go outside so you can tell me what’s going on.
Leslie and Jacqueline step outside.
Leslie: God, it’s chilly out here.
Jacqueline: It’s fine to me.
Leslie: Of course it is, you’re used to cold, dreary London mornings.
Jacqueline: Not all us Brits are from London, you know.
Leslie: But you are, correct?
Jacqueline: I’ve lived there a great portion of my life, yes.
Leslie: Now that we’ve straightened that up, what is this urgent news that the others can’t hear?
Jacqueline: It’s not that they can’t hear it. I just don’t enjoy talking to them.
Leslie: They’re not big fans of you, so that’s fair.
Jacqueline: All right, so I do have news to share.
Leslie: You’re finally free from chaperoning us? Hallelujah!
Jacqueline: Well… in a way.
Leslie: I am confused.
Jacqueline: Skyline is being bought out by Piedmont Pictures. Paul just confirmed it to me last night. The news hasn’t broken quite yet, because they just hammered the deal out very late last night, but it’s happening.
Leslie: How does that impact us? We’re Skyline’s most profitable show, and UTN is the crown jewel of the Skyline empire.
Jacqueline: Tommy Fletcher, the president of Piedmont, is… not a fan of reality programming. Paul said that he’s already planning to shut down the Skyline-owned reality networks.
Leslie: He better not touch the Private Lives of Amish Wives!
Jacqueline: All of them! Even the Cooking Network!
Leslie: I’m starting to worry.
Jacqueline: You should worry! We are all going down. Bake Your Heart Out is not safe, regardless of its ratings.
Leslie: This can’t just be it. We just got renewed!
Jacqueline: And you’re going to get un-renewed, with a small compensation for the network breaking the contracts. Or, if this gets caught up in the courts, you can still film your last season. Your country has a bizarre way of handling business proceedings.
Leslie: I just don’t see how a CEO or president or whatever he is can just storm in here and cancel the top show on the network, the most popular property made by the studio he’s buying, without anyone pushing back. This is obscene!
Jacqueline: It is certainly unorthodox, but he is an extremely wealthy man and one of the most influential figures in Hollywood. Everyone is too scared of him to slight him in any way, sorry to say.
Leslie: I’ve never even heard of him!
Jacqueline: How I envy you.
Leslie: Don’t envy me too much, the man’s canceling my top-rated series because he has an irrational hate of an entire genre of television.
Jacqueline: It could be much worse. You could’ve been married to him!
Leslie: Oh my god, I didn’t even put two and two together. Of course you were married to the man who is upending my entire way of life. You truly are the bride of Satan!
Jacqueline: Ex-bride of Satan. Trust me, he ensured that divorce came quick after the pool boy incident.
Leslie: I don’t even want to know.
Jacqueline: He detests me, he says I ruined his life and tore out his heart. I was there, I know he didn’t have a heart well before that cheating incident. But since I’ve always worked in reality programming, he hates reality TV.
Leslie: I’m losing my show because you screwed a pool boy?
Jacqueline: In a way.
Leslie: Sam was right about you. My god, you can never tell her I said that.
Jacqueline: We need to stay united, and not attack one another.
Leslie: I’m getting fired because of you!
Jacqueline: I didn’t do it on purpose!
Leslie: You accidentally cheated on your husband?
Jacqueline: No, it’s just an accident that it’s impacting our careers. I never could’ve imagined crossing paths with Tommy again.
Leslie: You didn’t think two people working in the entertainment industry would ever cross paths again? Don’t you go to the Emmys? The Oscars? The Golden Globes?
Jacqueline: I made an effort to avoid those. Not worth the fear of bumping into him.
Leslie: Skyline and Piedmont have surely collaborated on shows before, how’d you navigate that?
Jacqueline: Well, UTN didn’t have any Piedmont shows on the air during my time as president.
Leslie: During those four long months?
Jacqueline: I kept myself out of any conversations related to Piedmont co-productions during my time at the network. It wasn’t too hard, I worked in reality and Tommy kept Piedmont mostly out of that space. We really never encountered one another. Until now…
Leslie: How am I going to tell the cast about this?
Jacqueline: Well, preferably, you’ll do it after we wrap filming. We want to keep the energy positive, you know.
Leslie: I’m not good at keeping life-altering secrets to myself.
Jacqueline: It’s just for about thirty hours. You can tear their hearts out right after that!
Leslie: Why do you not seem to be that upset about this?
Jacqueline: This job has been my personal hell for years. I worked hard for a promotion to get on tope and I lost it all almost immediately. Every day is a reminder of my failure. I don’t want to be unemployed, but I’ll get a nice compensation package that’ll give me some time to find a new company that’ll actually value me.
Leslie: Some of us aren’t so lucky.
Jacqueline: You created the biggest hit on TV, and oversaw it for its entire run. Every network will be clamoring for a deal with you. You’re fine.
Leslie: I just didn’t foresee it all ending quite like this.
Jacqueline: Life is an endless series of twists and turns. You never know quite how it’s going to go.
Leslie: Very helpful. Now, I think we ought to get back in there before they suspect something is wrong. Something is wrong, but I’m not allowed to tell them that.
Jacqueline: For one more day!
Leslie walks back onto the set.
Sam: I heard everything!
Leslie: What? You know the show’s canceled?
Sam: The show is what?
Leslie: Nothing!
Frances: The show is canceled!
Charlotte: I just bought a yacht! This is going to financially ruin me!
Jacqueline: What am I walking in to?
Diane: Leslie, you’re just joking. Right?
Leslie: Unfortunately not.
Sam: Excuse me?
Leslie: We have a new corporate overlord, and he is not a fan of reality TV. So… we’re done. I’m not entirely sure how much longer we have left, because I don’t know how long a deal like this will take to close. But once Skyline’s bought out by Piedmont, we are done.
Garry: That doesn’t make any sense!
Leslie: It’s Jacqueline’s fault! Her ex-husband owns Piedmont, and he’s getting back at her!
Sam: I told you she was no good!
Diane: We all knew that much.
Sam: But I said she’d bring about the end times.
Diane: That you did.
Garry: This doesn’t make any sense from a business perspective.
Sam: It’s not about business, clearly. It’s about pettiness.
Charlotte: Would he change his mind if we did a blood sacrifice of Jacqueline?
Jacqueline: You do not have Jacqueline’s permission to do that!
Leslie: Look, I don’t have all the answers right now. I just found out a few minutes ago myself, and this is a huge shock for me. What I do know is that were have to make the most of the time we do have, and I want this finale done right. So we’re going to put on our happy faces, pretend everything is a-okay, and put on a good show. And then, we can worry about this terrible shock that none of us know how to grapple with.
Jacqueline: That’s a good -
Leslie: I think you’ve done enough here for today, Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: I agree. That’s fair. I’ll sit in silence.
Later that night, Leslie cals Paul.
Paul: Leslie!
Leslie: Paul, don’t sound so happy. I know what’s happening.
Paul: What’s happening?
Leslie: Don’t play dumb with me!
Paul: Are you referring to the corporate merger? Do not worry about that! The board is surely going to overrule Tommy Fletcher’s reckless plan to cancel several of our top series just because of his own personal taste. I actually think this show is powerful enough to win out over him. They;’ll fire him before they let it go.
Leslie: You are delusional! These CEO types always get what they want, even if it’s illogical, and even if nobody likes it. It’s over.
Paul: The deal isn’t even official yet. It has to be approved by the government, and that will take awhile. You’ll be able to film a few more seasons before this would even go into effect.
Leslie: So we’d be a sinking ship for years instead of of just for a few more months? Lovely.
Paul: I don’t mean to be insensitive, but I’m not entirely sure why you are so upset. You were just telling me on the phone a few months ago that you weren’t sure how much longer you wanted to keep the show going. You said you were considering walking away soon, now that it’s reached the ten-year mark. You’d be getting your wish!
Leslie: If you recall, I reconsidered, hence me giving you the permission to go ahead and renew the show again, which you still took too long to do and caused Sam to spiral out of control.
Paul: Like I said, there are a lot of roadblocks to Fletcher’s plan. It’s not over yet, not by a long shot.
Leslie: This just sucks. I’m watching my dream die because of corporate greed and the pettiness of a jilted billionaire. Why is Skyline even selling?
Paul: Don’t ask me! I wasn’t consulted! In fact, I feel your pain entirely. I know my job’s probably gone in this merger, too. It’s very unpleasant, and I don’t want it to go through. But we don’t have the power to do it alone.
Leslie: We can always protest!
Paul: You sound like Charlotte now.
Leslie: Well, this would be far more likely to be successful. People actually know what Bake Your Heart Out is! They really like it! It could work.
Paul: Maybe we try going through the courts first.
Leslie: That’s not going to work. But if we -
Paul: We can’t go around airing out private company business.
Leslie: You are such a corporate drone! I’m sorry I’m trying to save my show!
Paul: I’m trying not to get sued and immediately fired.
Leslie: I just don’t know what to do here. I feel completely helpless.
Paul: It’s a tough industry, Leslie. Sometimes, it wears us down.
Leslie: It’s been a wonderful ride.
Paul: We will keep fighting. I promise you that much. I just need time to figure out what that fight will look like.
Leslie: Do you really think we have the power to stop this?
Paul: I don’t know. But we will try our hardest. We’re not just going to give in. So, for now, just relax, get ready to shoot the finale tomorrow, and don’t worry too much. We have time before the end.
Leslie: I’m pretty sure the judges are about to pick a man to win the show this season, I’m not really excited about that.
Paul: What’s wrong with a male winner?
Leslie: Not my cup of tea. Luckily, I have bigger issues on my plate right now. How lucky am I!
What did you think of the season finale of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season premiere of Our House next week! Bake Your Heart Out will return for season nine next summer!
