KEITH, the new custodian at the Stateside Broadcasting Network (SBN), is finishing his first shift. Determined to make an impression, he takes it upon himself to venture off to the basement, where he’s heard no custodian or executive has gone in years. Once in the basement, KEITH finds himself surrounded by countless shelves of old tapes, all property of the network. Intrigued and knowing nobody will find him down there, he sets aside a few minutes to explore. He looks around for a while until one title intrigues him: Vice President Thomas Marshall.
KEITH [to himself]
This could be anything.
KEITH grabs the tape off the shelf, and turns around to see a man standing behind him. He is visibly startled.
UNNAMED PERSON
Did I scare you?
KEITH
I mean…yeah, kinda. I didn’t know anyone else would be down here! I’m so sorry Sir, I’ll get back to cleaning now.
UNNAMED PERSON
Allow me to introduce myself. Vice President Thomas Marshall.
KEITH
Vice President of what, may I ask? Programming? Eh, I guess it doesn’t matter to someone like me.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
No! Vice President of the United States!
KEITH gives him a strange look.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Of America? Oh don’t tell me—
KEITH
Oh no, America still exists, I just still have no friggin idea who you are.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Maybe you know me better as Governor of Indiana? As I like to say, Indiana is the mother of Vice Presidents, home of more second-class men than any other state.
KEITH shakes his head.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
I'll give you a hint: he kept us out of war.
KEITH
Wait a sec, are you Mike Pence?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
We have similar resumes. But I served as Vice President for two terms.
KEITH
Come on, your secret’s safe with me Mike.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
I’m really Vice President Thomas Marshall!
KEITH
Prove it.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
What this network needs is a good five-cent vacuum.
KEITH stares blankly.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Oh come on, I adapted my most famous remark for you! It’s hilarious!
KEITH
I guess it’s a little funny. But it’d make more sense if you said five-hundred-buck vacuum.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Five hundred bucks?!
KEITH
Nothing costs five cents. What are you from 1915 or something?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Yes!
Everything begins to click with KEITH.
KEITH
Oh so you’re like, a real person. [Holding up the tape.] Were they about to turn you into a docuseries?!
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL takes a look at the tape KEITH is holding.
Is that what this is?
KEITH
Yeah we got this thing called TV now where you can watch basically anything.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
And yet they didn't show the one about me?
KEITH
In my defense, that was a decision made before I was born by people who get paid way more than I do.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
It’s not too late to fix it.
KEITH
Fix it?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Put me on the TV. Take a stand for something.
KEITH
Sorry man, I’m just the custodian. And a new one at that.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
I was almost president, you know.
KEITH
You ran for president?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
No. My boss became incapacitated and usually that means the Vice President takes over, but they all hated me so they kept me in the dark about the whole thing.
KEITH
Go on, tell me more!
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
It’ll be in the TV.
KEITH pauses.
KEITH
Maybe I can convince the man upstairs to air it.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Wait just a second...GOD is in charge of this?! I thought me and Him were on pretty good terms...
KEITH
Oh…that’s just what I like to call those network executives doing whatever it is they do in this building.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Trying to outwit me, are you?
KEITH
Sorry.
KEITH motions to the tape.
KEITH
You really think people are gonna like this?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Sure, why not?
KEITH
Tell you what, I’ll bring it upstairs, but don’t expect me to come back down with a Yes. Although, I did overhear a few people yelling about how they needed another show on the schedule earlier so who knows.
KEITH starts to leave.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
One more thing.
KEITH
Yeah?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Do return with that tape in your hands. Otherwise, you won’t be able to see me and tell me what they said.
KEITH puts the tape down, and notices VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL disappeared. He then picks it back up.
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
See?
KEITH starts walking back upstairs.
KEITH
You’re gonna follow me since I have this tape, aren’t you?
VICE PRESIDENT THOMAS MARSHALL
Uh huh. Don’t worry, I’ll go away when you put it down.
KEITH makes his way upstairs and leaves the tape on a table in a meeting room with a note. It reads: ‘Found this in the basement while I was cleaning. Does this solve your Tuesday night problem? - Keith [new custodian, you probably don’t know me]’
CUT to the morning after, when two programming executives find the note.
QUINN
He really cleaned the basement.
JEN
He should not have gone through any of our IP.
QUINN
Yeah, but on the bright side we might have something here and presumably one can breathe in the basement again.
JEN
Who’s Vice President Thomas Marshall? Do we have any intel on when or why this pilot was made?
QUINN
I don’t know, let’s just focus group test it and see what they say.
QUINN grabs the tape and leaves. KEITH watches from a distance, expecting QUINN to be startled by seeing Vice President Thomas Marshall but not noticing anything unusual at all.