ROBERT, LORENZO, ACE, BRYAN, HARRY, MANNY, and VICTOR are all in the Indianapolis Primitives bullpen. They are playing a special game inside a farm field.
ACE [eating corn]
Can anyone else not believe we’re actually here, playing in the middle of a corn field?
VICTOR
I for one can’t. What the hell am I doing in an arm barn?!
MANNY
Guess you got screwed in a trade deal.
ACE
In fact, the way we warm up, we’re probably better off with a second baseman trying to stop the ball than a catcher.
VICTOR goes behind the plate to catch for ACE.
ROBERT
Yeah, when I tell people I throw a lot of ground balls they seem to think I mean people swing at my pitches and hit a ground ball and get out. What a really mean is the ball hits the ground way before the plate. Hopefully I can pitch more than five innings today.
HARRY
I can fly.
BRYAN
Huh?
HARRY jumps up in the air three times and starts flying through the field.
LORENZO
Would you all mind quieting down, I’m trying to tie my shoe.
MANNY
I can’t concentrate on how I’m gonna pitch today if you’re talking about your shoe! They might make me pitch!
ROBERT
Really? Borrow my sneakers just in case. One is red and one is yellow, is that okay?
MANNY
I don’t care what number they are as long as they don’t smell.
ROBERT
They smell like fried pickles.
MANNY
In that case I’ll try them on.
MANNY puts on ROBERT’s sneakers.
ACE
So how about that sausage Victor made.
LORENZO
I WANT SAUSAGE!!!!!!!!
ACE
I ate the last one.
LORENZO
Hey a bouncy ball!
HARRY
Should I cook more sausages?
BRYAN
No I’ll do it, just turn the grill up to 802 degrees for me.
HARRY
That seems low.
BRYAN
It has to be 802 degrees or they won’t cook the right way, you have to turn them left and then right.
HARRY
I’m putting it on 804.
BRYAN
NO! 802!
BRYAN storms back to the bench.
VICTOR
Why is the bench colored orange?
LORENZO
That’s not yellow it’s orange. When am I gonna go into the outfield?
ROBERT
I have to pitch my seven innings and then you can play north field.
LORENZO
You guys want to ditch this and go party with the Queen?
VICTOR
We don’t have a Queen.
LORENZO
Over there.
LORENZO points to an old man in the crowd eating both ice cream and corn.
HARRY
Oh you mean the mascot.
Everyone runs out of the bullpen and meets the mascot in the stands. They start dancing to the hitter’s walk-up music. Cameras find them and show them on the big screen in the outfield for everyone to see.
MANNY
WHAT A PARTY! WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN! RIGHT LORENZO?
ROBERT
Lorenzo.
ACE
Lorenzo…
BRYAN
Lorenzo come on, cotton candy!
LORENZO wakes up on the bullpen’s bench.
LORENZO
Huh. What happened?
MANNY
You fell asleep.
LORENZO
Oof, I just had the craziest dream that we were playing in a field of corn and eating sausage and dancing with the mascot. What’d I miss?
VICTOR
Not all that much but my first impression of you is you sleep through parts of the game.
LORENZO
You’re not wrong. Alright, so where’s that cotton candy…
Nobody answers.
LORENZO
Don’t tell me there’s no more cotton candy.
VICTOR
What do you say we all leave?
MANNY
You’re learning quickly!
Everyone leaves.