Put Me In Season 3 Episode 9: Fever Don’t Pitch, Part 2

  

The Charleston Capitols are in the dugout. 

LEWIS
Let me recap to everyone who didn’t hear me earlier. Since all our pitchers have fevers and sore arms, I’m pitching! Luckily enough, the Primitives are putting in their bullpen’s snack bar guy since all their pitchers also just got the vaccine!

RAY
Lewis, please just throw as slow as you can and hope they hit it right to one of our fielders.

LEWIS
Are you kidding? I’m throwing my curveball, splitter, and every now and then maybe a knuckleball.

RAY
And I have to be your catcher?

LEWIS
Unless you want me to put you on the injured list.

RAY
But I’m not injured.

LEWIS
Not yet.

RAY
WHAT?!

LEWIS
Relax, I wouldn’t injure you on purpose, that’d be crazy of me.

RAY
You never know.

BEN
Something doesn’t seem right here. I’m gonna go over to the Primitives bullpen.

BEN jogs out of the dugout and approaches the Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen.

BEN
Hey guys.

FELIX
Just guy.

BEN
Where did everyone else go?

FELIX
They were given an excused absence. I was too but I’m sure Harry is gonna screw up early enough so that they’ll have to let me pitch.

BEN
So none of you guys are actually available to pitch?

FELIX
Honestly, Harry would probably be our best bet even if we were able to pitch.

BEN
He’s not even a pitcher.

FELIX
Have you seen this bullpen pitch before?

BEN
Good point. You’re lucky he got the vaccine early, that way he doesn’t have a sore arm.

FELIX
He has a sore arm from flipping burgers, somehow. And he’s not vaccinated. If I was him I’d be in this bullpen warming up right now.

BEN
So if he’s not vaccinated why is he allowed to pitch?

FELIX
Beats me. You better get to the field now, game’s starting.

BEN
True. Good luck sitting there! You realize you’re physically not allowed to pitch today, right?

BEN jogs to second base, where he catches three line drives.

LEWIS
I’m good at pitching, guys!

BEN
You mean I’m good at protecting myself from getting drilled?

The Primitives’ pitcher, HARRY, walks onto the mound and throws a pitch. It’s a home run.

HARRY walks off the mound and to the bullpen, where he meets FELIX.

HARRY
That’s it, I’m getting the vaccine. I don’t want it, but it’s better than pitching.

FELIX
Nice job forfeiting the game one pitch in.

HARRY
Do you have a game tomorrow?

FELIX
Yep.

HARRY
What time?

FELIX
2 pm.

HARRY
Alright, let’s make that appointment for 2 pm!

FELIX shakes his head and walks away. He sees LEWIS running around the field in celebration.

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