Coach Garry: A Bullpen Special

 

GARRY is pacing across the dugout as he gives a speech to the Automobiles, the aged 10-12 Mini League baseball team he coaches. 

GARRY
Listen up, everyone. Get out there and play.

BRAYDEN
But the game hasn’t started yet.

GARRY
Yeah, it starts when you go on the field. What are you waiting for?

JAXON
Coach Garry, what position am I playing?

GARRY
Left field, like always.

JAXON
I usually play center field.

GARRY
Then play there. How about this: no two people play the same position at a time. I forgot to schedule fielding positions. 

LANDON
Can I play second base?

GARRY
Not my decision. But if you decide to, try to remember where to stand when you play that position. You don’t actually stand on second base.

LANDON
I’m still learning, Coach Garry.

GARRY
We are far from the beginning of the season. Also, seems like you’re right field. Everyone else already took a spot. 

LANDON
Dammit.

GARRY
Excuse me?

LANDON
I said dammit.

GARRY
Oh okay, I couldn’t hear you.

LANDON jogs onto the field as GARRY wonders if he was supposed to discipline his language. The team quickly jogs back to the bench.

GARRY
What are you doing?!

HUDSON
It wasn’t our turn to field. We’re batting.

GARRY
Oh. My mistake. You know, I actually made a lineup for that one.

GARRY takes a deep breath and yells.

GARRY
EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME NOW!

The team goes silent.

GARRY
Alright, so I have the batting lineup here. Cooper, you’re batting first. After that is Jaxon, then Colton, Brayden, Santiago, Gavin, Landon, Hudson, and Wesley.

WESLEY
I’m last again?

GARRY
You’re our worst hitter. Well actually, you haven’t gotten a hit all season so we can’t even call you a hitter.

GAVIN
That’s mean, Coach Garry!

GARRY
Thank you, Calvin.

GAVIN
It’s Gavin.

GARRY
That’s what I said. Hey Cooper, why aren’t you moving? You’re up!

COOPER
Oh, I’m batting NOW?

GARRY
You are first, remember?

COOPER
Alright, let’s see what I got.

GARRY
You’ll be fine. You’ve gotten hits before.

COLTON
Hey Coach Garry?

GARRY
What is it?

COLTON
Do I have to play? I’m scared of the ball.

GARRY
We need nine people to play. Also, I thought you were only scared of it when it’s hit to you?

COLTON
No, that’s you who’s scared whenever the ball is hit to me.

GARRY
Oh, that’s right. Well, we did lose that game because of you.

COLTON
You’ve mentioned.

GARRY
Alright everyone, Cooper is batting. Cheer on your teammate. 

The team cheers for COOPER, who strikes out.

JAXON (on his way to the plate)
Better luck next time, Cooper.

COOPER
Can’t tell if you’re encouraging me or being snarky.

JAXON
Okay.

JAXON quickly gets a base hit.

HUDSON
Coach Garry! Coach Garry! Coach Garry! Coach—

GARRY
What is it, Hudson?

HUDSON
Landon’s language.

LANDON
Dammit Hudson, why the fu—

GARRY
Landon! That’s enough. No reason to swear.

SANTIAGO
Coach Garry, Gavin yelled at me!

GAVIN
I didn’t yell at you Santiago, I yelled TO you.

SANTIAGO
It hurt my ears either way.

GARRY
Gavin, don’t yell at Santiago.

GAVIN
I didn’t!

GARRY
Don’t in the future then.

GAVIN
Duly noted.

SANTIAGO
That’s it? Shouldn’t he be punished more?

GARRY
Are you guys a team or not? Stop fighting with one another! I quit my—

SANTIAGO
Job as a bullpen coach for this, you’ve mentioned it.

GARRY
I didn’t care all that much about that job, but—

BRAYDEN
You told us you didn’t care at all.

GARRY
Point is, I care about this job, and I care about this team.

WESLEY
Weird.

GARRY
I know. But with this team, I actually have some authority. I can actually make decisions! I was used to being irrelevant as a bullpen coach for a group of dimwits who never pitched, so I was lazy there. But this is my passion.

COLTON
Coaching Mini League?

GARRY
Yes. Coaching Mini League. So what do you say, can we behave for Coach Garry?

LANDON
Fine. But only if you stop referring to yourself as Coach Garry.

GARRY
How about Coach Me? Nah, that’s sounds weird. Me it is. Wait, shouldn’t one of you be batting?

COLTON
Me. I told you I was afraid of the ball.

GARRY
Just get out there.

COLTON nervously leaves the dugout and steps up to the plate. He gets hit in the shoulder on the first pitch and starts jogging to first base. GARRY greets him at the base.

COLTON
I should get hit more often. Easy way to take a base.

GARRY
That’s the attitude we need. 

COLTON
Thanks Coach Garry. I don’t think I’m afraid of the ball anymore!

GARRY walks back to the dugout to see the team sitting on the bench, talking to one another.

GARRY
Wow, I did a great job today. 

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