Sarita walks into the governor’s office.
Sarita: Big day today, ladies!
Carol: Did the new toner for the printer arrive?
Sarita: Gretchen is back today!
Carol: Oh man, I forgot that was today.
Susana: The time kinda flew.
Sarita: That’s because neither of you were given the job of special liaison to the acting governor.
Carol: You took that seriously? Massachusetts, we treat Pratt as a joke. Gretchen’s been out a month and she’s done roughly two things in her role as acting governor. Both of them were attending ribbon-cutting ceremonies.
Sarita: Then why’d I spend so much time discussing policy goals with her and trying to help her execute them?
Carol: Let’s just chalk that up to you humoring her.
Susana: You don’t have to worry about Pratt any more now, though, the real governor is back.
Sarita: Have either of you seen here since she got out of the hospital? How’s she doing?
Carol: I see her all the time! We’re besties! She’s, uh… it took a toll on her spirits, and she’s lost some weight because she’s not been eating much, so she looks a bit frail. She’ll get better, though.
Sarita: Is she medically cleared to come back?
Carol: It’s only been a month, she’s supposed to rest at least six months. I’m going with no.
Susana: She’ll be fine. Let’s face it, it’s a pretty easy job.
Carol: I think the stress of it is what weakened her heart to begin with, so we have to watch out for her.
Susana: We just have to limit her contact with Jeanne and Hank and she’ll be fine.
Carol: Yeah, they weaken my heart, and I don’t even have heart disease.
Jeanne: You’d need a heart first.
Carol: Ah!
Jeanne: Oh my god, really?
Carol: How’d you get in here?
Jeanne: The door’s not locked.
Carol: All right, follow up: why are you in here?
Jeanne: I brought flowers for the governor. Is it so wrong to try to welcome my colleague back to work? Does that make me so monstrous?
Carol: I refuse to accept or believe that you are doing something out of the goodness of your heart.
Hank: Am I too late? Did I miss her?
Carol: The hell is going on?
Hank: I brought an Edible Arrangement for Gretchen for her big return! Can she eat that?
Jeanne: It’s fruit, why would she not?
Hank: There’s some chocolate in there.
Jeanne: Chocolate can be heart healthy.
Hank: Not this chocolate.
Jeanne: Then why’d you get it?
Susana: He’s clearly trying to kill her.
Carol: How do you two know today’s her day to come back? Even I forgot!
Jeanne: We’ve had to listen to Pratt complain about it for days.
Sarita: On second thought, that’s probably how I remembered it, too.
Jeanne: Does anyone know when she’s supposed to get here?
Hank: She hasn’t even been in yet?
Susana: Do you think the governor comes to work and then leaves before nine?
Hank: I don’t know, she was just on medical leave, maybe she’s on short days.
Carol: I didn’t even remember she was coming back today, I’m certainly not the person to ask about this.
Jeanne: It would’ve been nice to see her today, but I do have a schedule to keep, so just tell her I said hi and make sure she gets these.
Hank: Yeah, me too.
Carol: Are the flowers poisoned or something? Are the petals laced with anthrax?
Jeanne: We’d all be dead if that were the case.
Carol: You never know with you.
Meanwhile, at the beach…
Lucinda: All right, you two, grandma’s gonna take a nap on this nice beach chair under the umbrella. They not to get in any trouble.
Christina: I’m twenty-five, grandma, you don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child. You also didn’t even need to come and chaperone. I can handle Toby all on my own.
Toby: I don’t need a chaperone, either! I’m sixteen years old, I could drive if I wanted to!
Lucinda: I just have to be safe. Your mother put me in charge, I’ll be held responsible if anything happens.
Christina: What do you think we’re gonna do? It’s the beach, not an African safari.
Lucinda: You can drown in only a few inches of water. All I’m saying is to be careful. Now, I’m tired and I want to tan my legs, so I’m going to lie down. You two have fun.
Christina: You hear that, Toby? Try not to drown.
Toby: Well, I was always going to, but I’ll be extra careful now.
Lucinda: You two are acting like brats, don’t act like brats! Brats don’t get ice cream on the way home!
Christina: Again, I’m an adult, Toby practically is one, ice cream is not an effec-
Tony: I’ll be good, I promise.
Lucinda: You were saying?
Christina: I forgot he was an idiot.
Lucinda: One of only two idiots that’s getting ice cream today.
Christina: You just called yourself an idiot.
Lucinda: So I did. Now, go splish splash and leave me to my nap. Oh, and wake me up in an hour if I’m still sleeping, I want to make sure I read some of my book before we head home.
Christina: You brought a book? Since when do you read?
Lucinda: Kathie Lee Gifford has a new book out, you know how I love her.
Christina: Speaking of Kathie Lee Gifford, I should go fine some place with some wine.
Lucinda: It’s not even ten in the morning!
Christina: That’s when Kathie Lee did her best drinking with Hoda!
Thirty minutes later…
Christina: Toby, do you see vigorous, panicked splashing in the water, or is that just me?
Toby: It’s just someone swinging.
Christina: No, it looks like someone’s drowning.
Toby: Then tell a lifeguard.
Christina: There is no lifeguard.
Toby: We probably shouldn’t be here, then.
Christina: Just, wake grandma up a-
Toby: No.
Christina: Why not?
Toby: She’s mean when you wake her from her sleep!
Christina: She’s always mean! I just need you to tell her what I’m doing.
Toby: What are you doing?
Christina: I’m gonna jump in and try to save that person.
Toby: You want me to tell grandma because…?
Christina: So someone else knows in case anything happens to me.
Toby: This seems like a bad idea.
Christina: I have to be a good samaritan. Remember how Seinfeld ended?
Toby: I’m sixteen years old, I’ve never seen Seinfeld.
Christina: That makes me sad. Now, go get her up, I’m running in.
Toby: Grandma, get up!
Lucinda: What? Huh? What time is it? What’s going on?
Toby: Christina ran into the ocean.
Lucinda: We’re at the beach. People do that here. Why are you waking me up to tell me that?
Toby: I don’t know, she told me to tell you.
Christina: Hey! This girl is drowning! Call 9-1-1!
Toby: What?
Christina: Drowning! 9-1-1!
Toby: You’re drowning?
Lucinda: For Christ’s sake, she’s got her arm wrapped around a kid who was drowning and she wants someone to call 9-1-1.
Man: I’m calling!
Lucinda: Thank you, my grandson clearly wasn’t about to.
Christina: Does anyone have a towel I can lay her on? I don’t want to put her in the sand.
Man: Here, put her on mine.
Christina: All right, 9-1-1’s been called, yes?
Man: I’m on now!
Christina: Tell them she’s conscious, but she took on some water after being underwater for about thirty seconds. I want to be safe and make sure she’s okay. Does anyone know where her parents are?
Woman: Here! Megan, are you okay?
Megan: Mom!
Woman: You saved her!
Christina: I did what anyone would do.
Meanwhile, at the state capital…
Gretchen: Guess who’s back!
Carol: It’s about damn time! We were worried you weren’t going to show!
Gretchen: I had a lengthy debate with Anthony about me coming in today. He wanted me to push it back another week, I needed to get out of that damn house. So what’s been going on in Rhode Island the last month? Mom wouldn’t let me read any news stories, she said it’s all too stressful and could damage my heart.
Susana: I can’t believe she cared enough to try and protect your heart.
Gretchen: She’s been extremely nice. It’s concerning.
Sarita: Well, we’re happy to have you back!
Gretchen: Massachusetts! Long time no see! You know, you have to sign your cards with the name I know you by, it took me like a week to figure out who the hell “Sarita” was.”
Carol: Yeah, that always confuses me too. Does she think she gets to choose her own name or something?
Sarita: Sarita is my actual name, though!
Gretchen: That’s a good one, Massachusetts.
Carol: It’s so good to have you back, Pratt is extremely a-
Samantha: Governor Raymond! It’s you!
Gretchen: In the flesh!
Samantha: I thought I heard your voice, and I just had to see it for myself. Welcome back!
Gretchen: It’s good to be back. I missed you all. What kind of hijinks did you all get into while I was away?
Samantha: Not much of anything. Barely anything happens here. I certainly waited for things to happen, they just never did. I only attended a few ribbon-cutting ceremonies. Not one bill was passed, apparently they were waiting for you to be back.
Gretchen: Ah, great, so now I’m gonna have a backed-up schedule.
Carol: Well, we’ll ease you into it. It doesn’t have to all be thrust onto you at once.
Gretchen: Believe me, Carol, nothing’s been thrust onto me lately. Anthony’s made sure of that.
Susana: Well, you say nothing happens in Rhode Island, but look at this! A woman saved a little girl at the beach today!
Carol: Please tell me the woman was a lifeguard.
Susana: Nope, none on duty!
Gretchen: That’s one of those stories that sounds uplifting and heartwarming, but it’s horrifying when you really think about it. We’re relying on strangers to save people because we don’t have lifeguards on duty like we should in the literal peak summer months.
Carol: Sounds like another thing to spend months working on a solution for it with Jeanne and Hank!
Gretchen: I’ll go in wanting to mandate that all public beaches have a lifeguard on duty from sunrise to sunset, they’ll propose that every third beach has a lifeguard on duty from noon to four, and I’ll take that deal because it’s better than nothing.
Susana: You know what could be a good idea? What if you meet with this woman and give her some sort of state honor for valor? It would be good PR, and it’s not grueling work.
Samantha: I feel like I’m being ignored.
Carol: Don’t be silly! You’re definitely being ignored, and it’s on purpose.
Samantha: I should really leave if I’m not wanted.
Gretchen: It’s not that you’re not wanted… it’s just that we haven’t all been together in a long time, we have a lot to discuss.
Samantha: And you’re talking about the beach.
Gretchen: Well, that ties into our job. We’re going to call up this heroic woman and give her the honors she deserves for saving this little girl. Susana, find her.
Susana: The media didn’t name her.
Gretchen: We are the government -
Carol: of the state of Rhode Island.
Gretchen: We’re still the government. We have ways of identifying people! The news has to have video of this rescue, use it to try and figure out who it is.
Sarita: I could help, I’m pretty savvy with social media and all that.
Gretchen: I can’t believe I’m about to say these words… Susana, be more like Massachusetts.
Sarita: What’s that supposed to mean?
Gretchen: You’re very demure, kinda quiet, you fade into the background a bit. Usually I’m telling you to speak up and be louder and follow Susana’s footsteps.
Sarita: All right, that’s less mean than I anticipated it being.
Gretchen: That’s my appeal! I’m mean, but if you met everyone else around here first, I’m much nicer than you’d have expected!
Back at the beach…
Lucinda: Do we really have to leave?
Christina: I’m just ready to go home. I don’t feel like having a day at the beach right now.
Lucinda: What kind of monster wouldn’t want a day at the beach?
Christina: The kind of monster who just watched a child almost drown and had to be the one to save them. I’m tired and don’t want to relax at the beach today. Maybe we can come back tomorrow.
Lucinda: What if you go home and leave me here and then pick me up later?
Christina: Why do you want to lay on the beach so bad?
Lucinda: I’m old, who knows how many beach days I’ve got left in me!
Christina: Oh my god, the dramatics…
Lucinda: Dramatics? Honey, it’s facing reality!
Christina: You’re in better health than I am!
Lucinda: Frankly, that’s a bit sad if it’s true.
Reporter: Hey! I’m Katie Partridge with the Channel 6 Action News -
Christina: I’m sorry, I have somewhere to be.
Katie: I just wanted to quick talk for just a moment about what you did today. I was sent here to do a report on the big rescue and my report would be much better if I was able to interview the hero responsible!
Christina: It really wasn’t that big of a deal. If it helps you, though, I could give you a few minutes of my time.
Katie: Thank you! I truly appreciate it!
Later that day, at the capital…
Susana: Gretchen, great news!
Gretchen: You found your Applebee’s gift card?
Susana: What?
Gretchen: It’s lunch time, I’m hungry, and you said you had a gift card so we could go to Applebee’s.
Sarita: Ooh, could we get the bourbon burger that the lady went wild over on Survivor?
Gretchen: We can all get whatever we want.
Susana: I’m not talking about Applebee’s! I found out who the hero woman from the beach is!
Gretchen: Oh, that! I forgot about that!
Susana: How I’ve missed this…
Carol: Did you get in contact with her?
Susana: I think the governor would probably be able to do that easier.
Gretchen: Why’s that?
Susana: It’s your daughter Christina.
Gretchen: Yes! All these times my mom said she’d never amount to anything, look at her now.
Carol: A child is alive who otherwise wouldn’t be because of Christina, but yes, the proxy war with your mom is more important.
Gretchen: I mean, I’m proud of her outdoing expectations! She’s amounting to something!
Susana: What are we going to do about that medal of honor or whatever you were going to give her? It might look a little biased to do a big medal ceremony for your own daughter.
Gretchen: We’ll still do something to celebrate it. It’s a major news story in the state, and she deserves to be honored. She shouldn’t not get a ceremony that anyone who wasn’t related to me would’ve gotten without question.
Susana: All right, we’ll move forward with something for tomorrow. Call Christina up and let her know!
Carol: That’s it, no further deliberation?
Susana: She’s the governor, she gets the last call.
Carol: Okay, I’ll get to planning.
The next day…
Gretchen: So we’re all here today because yesterday, a brave act of heroism made the news statewide. A young lady saw something amiss in the water and ran in to save the life of a child. I’m so glad that we have everyday heroes like this in Rhode Island and, on a personal note, I’m so proud of the person that this woman has grown up to be, because she is my daughter. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to my daughter, the recipient of the Rhode Island Governor’s Award of Honor, Christina Morley!
Christina: I don’t want to go.
Anthony: You gotta go!
Christina: I hate this big fuss being made over me, I look stupid!
Anthony: You do not! You look like a hero!
Christina: I’m not a hero.
Gretchen: Christina, come on up here!
Anthony: Just go, kid.
Gretchen: Here you go, you’ve earned it.
Christina: Ladies and gentlemen, mom, I’m so glad you’re all here, I feel your love and appreciation, but I can’t say I deserve this. I did what any decent person ought to. I’m not special, I’m just a woman who saw someone in need and felt no choice but to act, because it’s basic human decency. So I will accept this award, and I appreciate the sentiment - people who do good do deserve to appreciated. I just want it known that human decency and small acts of kindness like this are common if you just look around. I’m not a hero, I’m just someone who decided to do good, just because it’s the right thing to do. Thank you all, I’m gonna head back to my seat now, because I’m not all that comfortable in the public eye.
Gretchen: Isn’t she great, everyone? Very inspiring, and words to live by! Now, I think maybe with those words in mind, we’re gonna do away with the marching band performance and just reflect on the small acts of kindness we see every day.
Carol: Dammit! Do you know how hard it is to get a marching band together to perform For She's a Jolly Good Fellow at such short notice?
What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
