College S3 Ep 24: P is for...
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
Edison and Megan sit on the couch. Andrew and Sarah walk in.
ANDREW
See, this is why I didn’t want you to meet them. They’re terrible people! UGGGGHHHHHHHH they just make me so mad!
Andrew kicks the kitchen table.
SARAH
(To Edison and Megan)
Can you two give us a minute, please?
EDISON
And miss all the fun.
Megan elbows Edison in the stomach.
EDISON
Okay, okay.
They get up and exit the apartment.
ANDREW
I know, I know. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. It’s just… Everything I’ve always wanted to say to them just spilled out. They blame me for all their issues and you know what… they’re right! Children ruin everything.
SARAH
You don’t want children?
ANDREW
At this point, no. I don’t.
SARAH
Why have you never told me this?
ANDREW
I just didn’t think it was important.
SARAH
Not important? Andrew, I’ve told you multiple times how I want kids. I already have names picked out for them.
ANDREW
I’m sorry, but I don’t want children. Look what happened to my parents because of me. My mother blames me for her career woes and my dad considers me nothing but the continuation of his bloodline. I don’t want that to happen to us.
SARAH
Andrew, your mother had no right to blame you for that. Your father wanted children. She should’ve known that that required sacrifice.
ANDREW
Yes, but I don’t want that to happen to us. I don’t want to bring a life into this world that’ll cause resentment between the two of us.
SARAH
Who says that would happen? Andrew, there’s nothing that says that you are going to end up like your parents.
ANDREW
You heard them, we’re just like them when they were young. Madly in love.
Pause.
SARAH
I think we need to rethink our relationship.
ANDREW
What are you saying? Do you want to break up?
SARAH
No that’s not it. I- I don’t know. It’s just… tonight with your parents and everything you’ve said-
ANDREW
Are you fucking kidding me?
SARAH
Andrew, please-
ANDREW
YOU’RE the one who wanted to meet my parents. You nagged me night and day about it. We fought about it and now that you have, you want to reevaluate our relationship?
SARAH
Please, Andrew, I don’t want to fight.
ANDREW
No! No, we are going to fight because you started this!
SARAH
All I wanted to do was meet your fucking parents!
ANDREW
And now that you have you suddenly want to jump ship! Why don’t you just run back to Calvin!
SARAH
Maybe I will! And you can go be with Gabby. Maybe she can deal with your insecurities and inability to have an emotional conversation.
ANDREW
I’d rather be all that than some stuck-up frat guy!
Sarah and Andrew glare at each other. Edison enters.
EDISON
Sorry, forgot my phone. Wow, did the temperature go up or what.
Andrew and Sarah give Edison a death stare.
EDISON
Well, I’m just gonna grab my phone. It should be on the couch.
Edison begins digging through the couch in search of his phone.
ANDREW
Look, let’s just talk about this tomorrow morning, okay?
SARAH
No... No, I think it’s best we talk about this now.
ANDREW
What more can we do. Scream and yell at each other?
EDISON
Was that what that noise was?
The couple looks at Edison and then stares at each other for a few moments.
SARAH
I… I think we need to take a break.
ANDREW
You don’t have to sugarcoat it. If you want to break up just say so.
SARAH
Do you want to break up?
Andrew doesn’t answer.
SARAH
Wow.
ANDREW
Sarah I-
SARAH
Don’t.
Sarah turns around and exits the apartment.
EDISON
Was it something I said?
Later…
Edison and Megan sit on the couch.
MEGAN
Should we talk to him?
EDISON
No. No, it’s best to just wait it out. Let him listen to some Adele and in a few days, he’ll be fine.
MEGAN
It’s a shame. They were a good straight couple.
EDISON
They haven’t broken up. Yet. Don’t tell him I said this, but I was always rooting for him to get with her.
MEGAN
Well, I’m going to bed. Paige and I are gonna facetime. If you know what I mean.
EDISON
Uh-huh, okay.
Megan goes to her room. There is a knock at the door. Edison gets up and answers it. Standing in the doorway is Brittaney.
EDISON
Hey Britt.
BRITTANEY
Hey.
EDISON
What’s up?
BRITTANEY
Mario and I broke up.
EDISON
What? Why?
BRITTANEY
He wanted to move back to Italy and… I told him about us.
EDISON
I’m guessing he didn’t take it well.
BRITTANEY
Not really.
EDISON
Britt, I’m so sorry. Damn, first Andrew and Sarah and now you and Mario.
BRITTANEY
What happened to Sarah and Andrew?
EDISON
Relationship issues.
BRITTANEY
Oh.
EDISON
Yeah, this year just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Hey, you wanna come in. We’re gonna have a Star Wars marathon to cheer Andrew up. Of course, we'll have to skip the sequel trilogy. The point is to make him happy, not depressed.
BRITTANEY
Edison, I need to tell you something...
EDISON
Oh no, you’re not one of those people who thinks the sequels are good, are you?
BRITTANEY
Edison, I’m pregnant.
END.
And now, a special look at the final season of WHAT INT HE WORLD!
INT. APARTMENT
Andrew, Edison, and Megan sit on the couch watching TV.
EDISON
Do you ever wonder if we live in a simulation?
ANDREW
Okay, what’s wrong?
EDISON
Nothing. This year’s just been weird. Just makes you wonder...
There is a flash of light. Andrew, Edison, and Megan stand up. Megan pulls out her taser. In front of them on the floor, is Daniel and Joel.
EDISON
What in the world!
END.