Season 3 Episode 13
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. CAMPUS - NIGHT
An unknown hooded figure walks among the shadows of the campus making sure that they are not seen. They approach a bike rack full of bikes and they pull out bolt cutters. They cut the bike lock on one bike and they ride it off into the darkness.
The Next Morning...
EXT. CAFETERIA - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan walk on campus.
EDISON
So, when are we gonna see the Starquest movie?
ANDREW
Actually, I’m seeing it tomorrow.
EDISON
What? With whom?
ANDREW
Sarah. We’re doing a double date with Brittaney and Mario.
EDISON
I see. So, you're ditching your friends to go on a date with your hot girlfriend and her even hotter friend.
MEGAN
That’s a very odd way to put it.
ANDREW
Yes, I am.
EDISON
Fine then. At least Megan and I can see it.
MEGAN
I’ve actually already seen it.
EDISON
What? How?
MEGAN
I went to a pre-screening with my sister.
EDISON
What the hell you guys?
ANDREW
Relax dude, we’ll see it again with you.
Brittaney and Mario are staring with a crowd of students at the bike rack.
ANDREW
Hey, what’s going on?
BRITTANEY
Someone stole a bike again.
MEGAN
The bicycle thief strikes again.
ANDREW
Hasn’t campus security done anything?
MARIO
They are hiring more security guards to take the night shift.
BRITTANEY
Maybe you should apply. I love a man in uniform.
Edison's eyes widen and he grins.
INT. CAMPUS SECURITY OFFICE - DAY
The head of school security KEN DAVIES sits in his office. The doors burst open and Edison enters.
EDISON
I’d like to apply to campus security.
Davies stares at Edison for a few seconds.
DAVIES
Okay.
EDISON
Wait, for real? You're not gonna do a background check?
DAVIES
Do I need to?
EDISON
No.
DAVIES
Great.
Davies pulls out a metal badge and tosses it to Edison who catches it.
DAVIES
Welcome to the team. You start tonight.
EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT
The hooded figure stalks along campus staying close to the shadows. Edison is walking along the campus in his uniform and carrying a flashlight. The hooded figure approaches a bike rack and pulls out their bolt cutters. They cut the bike lock which makes a loud noise. Edison hears it.
EDISON
Hello?
Edison walks over to the bike rack and shines his flashlight on the hooded person.
EDISON
Hey! Stop!
The hooded person gets on the bike and rides off. Edison tries to run after him but stops and breathes heavily.
EDISON
Damn it.
The Next Day...
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Andrew, Sarah, Brittaney, and Mario sit at a study table.
ANDREW
Are you excited about the movie?
SARAH
Um yeah. What’s it about again?
ANDREW
It’s an epic space opera about humanity and love.
MARIO
Don’t forget about epic space battles.
ANDREW
Exactly.
BRITTANEY
Are you sure we can’t see a rom-com?
MARIO
Starquest has elements of a rom-com.
BRITTANEY
(Sigh)
Fine.
Edison walks over to the table.
EDISON
Guys, he struck again. The Bike Thief.
ANDREW
You saw him?
EDISON
Yeah, I almost got him too, but he got away. On a bike of all things.
SARAH
So what are you going to do?
EDISON
I have an idea. Andrew, can I borrow your bike?
ANDREW
Why?
EDISON
No reason.
ANDREW
There is a reason and I want to know it.
EDISON
I’m gonna set a trap.
ANDREW
And you want to use my bike. What if it gets stolen?
EDISON
Andrew, I'm trying to bring justice to the students whose bikes got stolen. That requires sacrifice.
ANDREW
(Sighs)
Okay fine.
EDISON
Great.
BRITTANEY
Good luck.
EDISON
Thanks. Enjoy the movie.
INT. MOVIE THEATERS - NIGHT
Andrew, Sarah, Brittaney, and Mario sit in the movie theater watching the previews.
BRITTANEY
Hey, my parents were wondering if you’d want to have dinner with them?
MARIO
Sounds good, can’t wait.
Sarah leans over to Andrew.
SARAH
Britt isn’t afraid for Mario to meet her parents.
ANDREW
That’s because Brittaney’s parents aren’t terrible.
SARAH
You don’t know that.
ANDREW
Are we really going to do this?
SARAH
I’m not doing anything; all I’m saying is that nothing bad would happen if I met your parents.
ANDREW
I’m not saying anything bad would happen, I just don’t want them to ruin our relationship.
SARAH
How are they going to ruin our relationship?
ANDREW
They just will, okay!
The other moviegoers shush them.
ANDREW
Can we please just watch the movie?
SARAH
Yeah. Fine.
EXT. CAMPUS - NIGHT
Edison watches from behind a bush. Andrew’s bike is locked on an empty bike rack.
EDISON
Come one, where are you...
A hooded figure approaches the bike. They pull out bolt cutters. Edison jumps out of the bushes and shines a flashlight on the hooded figure.
EDISON
Don’t move!
Edison points a taser.
EDISON
This is my lesbian roommate’s taser and it’s got a hairy trigger so don’t try anything.
HOODED FIGURE
Don’t shoot Edison!
EDISON
What? How do you know my name?
The hooded figure pulls down their hood. It’s Paul.
EDISON
Paul?
PAUL
Hey.
EDISON
YOU’RE the bike thief?
PAUL
Congratulations, you got me.
EDISON
But why?
PAUL
I need the money and you wouldn’t believe how much a bike sells for.
EDISON
Why do you need money?
PAUL
I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I cheated on Brittaney, I changed majors, I quit my fraternity, and now, I’m in debt.
EDISON
Look Paul, we’ve all made bad decisions. In fact, I only decided to join campus security so that I could impress Brittaney.
PAUL
Did it work?
EDISON
No, she’s still with her new boyfriend.
PAUL
Damn. You know, I always hated that she got with you but to be honest, I think you two were made for each other.
EDISON
Yeah well, it doesn’t feel like that.
PAUL
So, what’s happening here. Are you gonna report me?
EDISON
No. But no more stealing bikes. And you return the ones you stole. No one has to know it was you.
PAUL
Thanks.
EDISON
As for the whole debt thing, I think I’ve got a solution.
The two smile at each other. The taser fires and the electrified prongs hit Paul who falls to the ground twitching.
EDISON
Holy- I told you it had a hair trigger!
INT. CAMPUS SECURITY OFFICE - DAY
Edison and Paul stand in front of Davies.
EDISON
And that’s why I think Paul should replace me.
Davies stares at Paul and Edison.
DAVIES
Okay.
Edison and Paul smile and shake hands. Paul twitches a little.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew and Megan sit on the couch. Edison enters.
EDISON
Here’s your taser. Thanks for letting me borrow it.
MEGAN
I didn’t say you could. You just took it. You know I was in a bad part of town last night.
EDISON
How was the movie?
ANDREW
It was actually pretty bad. They completely ignored what made the game so great.
EDISON
What’d you expect from a video game movie adaptation?
MEGAN
I hear the bike thief is gone.
EDISON
Yeah, I guess he chose a new path. Now I can rest easy knowing that I’ve brought safety and justice to my university.
ANDREW
Good for you. Where’s my bike?
EDISON
Uhhhhhh.
END.