MANNY, ROBERT, LORENZO, ACE, BRYAN, and HARRY are all in the Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen.
MANNY
You all know what day it is.
LORENZO
New Friends Day!
MANNY
That’s right Lorenzo, there might be a new person or two coming into the bullpen after today’s trade deadline. But I wouldn’t bet on it.
LORENZO
Why not?
MANNY
Well for one the team’s management has made absolutely no effort to improve this bullpen for years.
ROBERT
Whoever said new people would be an improvement?
MANNY
You have a point. I’d like to think there are a limited number of talentless relief pitchers in this league.
HARRY
What are they saying on the Internet?
BRYAN
From what I’ve seen there aren’t really too made trade discussions with this team. Maybe an improvement at second base but that’s about it.
ACE
Does anyone else ever get the feeling that one of these days they’re gonna decide to actually try with the bullpen and we’ll all be out of jobs?
LORENZO
Nonsense, they love me here.
ACE
Enough to pay you over someone who contributes to the game?
ROBERT
Yeah all it takes is for a couple of those starting pitchers to leave the team and we’re screwed.
MANNY
Luckily for you guys this team’s management knows not to get rid of its stars of its fan favorites.
LORENZO
I do have one trade proposition though.
ROBERT
What is it?
ACE
You really want to know what his trade proposition is?
LORENZO
Robert, I will give you my part of the bench for the 4th inning in exchange for what otherwise would’ve been your seventh inning ice cream cup.
ROBERT
No way! 4th and 5th innings and also control of the bench lighting.
LORENZO
Deal.
ACE
Harry, I will cook food in the eight inning if you warm up in place of me whenever needed.
HARRY
Oh thank God, deal!
MANNY
Yeah that one can’t happen, sorry guys.
BRYAN
I’ll do it Ace. Nobody will notice.
HARRY
How about you cook the food then and I pretend to be manager. 6th and 7th innings at home games, 5th inning at away games.
MANNY
Fine. Wait, what did I just agree to?
LORENZO goes to the cooler under the snack table and helps himself to an ice cream cup.
LORENZO
I’d consider this a productive trade deadline, wouldn’t you guys?
BRYAN
Hey look Jason’s jogging toward us.
JASON
For the love of God Manny, answer the damn bullpen phone! I really do not like running over here when I should be at the dugout.
MANNY
I didn’t hear the phone ring.
JASON looks into the dugout.
JASON
Oh, it’s off the hook. Wonder why that is.
LORENZO
Manny probably didn’t want to answer any calls today.
JASON
I gathered that, Lorenzo. Anyways, you all have a new teammate coming your way. Victor.
MANNY
Is he good?
JASON
He’s a second baseman. Front office tried to trade for a second baseman but our guy refused to leave so now Victor’s with you.
HARRY
I’m sure he’s thrilled about that.
JASON
I gotta get back to the dugout before too many people realize I’m missing. Just…try not to act too crazy around him, okay?
Everyone is silent.
JASON
Oh no.
JASON jogs back to the dugout.
LORENZO
Happy New Friends Day, everyone!