Network - Episode 1.09 - Charlie Vs. the World

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Network 1x09

“Charlie vs. The World”

By: Jessica Boggs

FADE IN:

INT. RANDOM CHURCH – DAY

There happens to be a canceled show convention in a random church.
The producers, actors, writers, and other crew members are gathered
in the church sanctuary in song.

ALL

(singing)

Now it’s a time of great decision / are
we to stay or up and quit? / There’s
no avoiding this conclusion / our
network’s turning into s***!

A producer motions the crowd of protesters.

PRODUCER #1

Be seated!

The audience timidly sits on command.

PRODUCER #1

(sternly)

Mean Girls, Star Undercover, and
Guilty Pleasure…all canceled, no
closure. And yet, they still keep
the all-terrible President’s Daughter.

PRODUCER #2

What about Georgia?

PRODUCER #1

Final season. Like I was saying, now
I don’t have to tell you what has
been happening in our little network.
Money over quality, over fan service.

Everyone but PRODUCER #1 talks among themselves.

PRODUCER #1

Quiet! Now the time has come to act
and act fast! Okay, I quit!

The crowd stops in complete silence.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH – CONTINUOUS

CHARLIE spies on the window, seemingly for dirt to cover on her
tabloid talk show.

CHARLIE

Oh look. The PR Jedi and their little
cancelation convention. They look super
upset and totally pathetic. I’ll just
go on in for a look.

CHARLIE enters inside the church walls.

INT. RANDOM CHURCH – CONTINUOUS

An actor stands out in front of the crowd.

ACTOR #1

(in a loud voice)

You get back here! I was born to play
these roles, and I will continue to try
no matter what it takes. Ain’t no dumb
network executive that is going to keep
me from doing my thing!

CHARLIE rushes to the scene.

CHARLIE

Ma'am, I hate to interrupt your “I Got
Canceled” cryfest, but I got to ask
a few questions!

FADE OUT:

END OF COLD OPEN

INT. RANDOM CHURCH – MINUTES LATER

CHARLIE gets into a barroom fight with one of the actors. Is it
a rap battle, or is it a Dynasty-style catfight? She has a baseball
bat in hand.

CHARLIE

(with her baseball bat)

This is my weapon of defense. Do
you want to come at me, or do I
have to put some sandpaper in church
toilet seats? I got those too!

ACTOR #2

B****, you are playing us hard to get.
The only reason you are here is because
you work for the network.

CHARLIE

(laughs)

Nice try. I don’t fall for entertainer
mind tricks.

ACTOR #2 then manages to pull at CHARLIE’s hair, in a Dynasty
style catfight of the ages. CHARLIE’s baseball bat breaks into
2 pieces. She then gets red hot in the face and grabs a Bible
from a random pew and throws it at ACTOR #2. The victim of the
thrown Bible gets up and proceeds to rip off CHARLIE’s dress.

ACTOR #2

(smirks angrily)

This is what you get for throwing
the Holy Bible at me, in a church.

CHARLIE

(claps back)

Bite me. You will get what’s
coming to you for ruining my
Chanel outfit.

ACTOR #1 (O.S.)

Nobody gives a flying f*** about
your expensive garbage.

ACTOR #1 proceeds to pull CHARLIE’s hair joining ACTOR #2.
The crowd then cheers while one of the producers calls security
to break up the chaos. CHARLIE proceeds to pull off of the
hair-puller, while polishing her torn up suit. ACTOR #2 is on
the floor, unable to go for another round of whooping a**.
ACTOR #1 polishes off her suit while trying to tend to ACTOR #2.
CHARLIE then gives the angry delegation her most cunning smile.

CHARLIE

(smirks)

So, next time b******, if you want to
try again, just give this a whistle.

CHARLIE then exits the scene. The actors follow.

FADE OUT:

In next week’s episode, round 2 ensues and upfronts begin
to set off fireworks.

END OF EPISODE

WRITTEN BY: Jessica Boggs

CREATED BY: Jessica Boggs

PRODUCED BY: Jessica Boggs, TVRGO