HOWARD is driving BOBBY to their mutual event in a small town in Arizona.
HOWARD
So...you really are dying?
BOBBY
Not at this exact minute, but some time before Inauguration Day, yeah.
HOWARD
I am so sorry.
BOBBY
Oh no, it’s okay, I didn’t want to be President anyways.
HOWARD gives a slight chuckle until he realizes BOBBY is serious.
HOWARD
Didn’t want to be President? Why did you run?
BOBBY
I told myself when I was a child that I would run for President before I die.
HOWARD
Wait, you knew this before you entered the race?! That’s messed up.
BOBBY
I know, I know, I just didn’t think I’d get this far. I was in 10th place when this started.
HOWARD
There were only nine people running.
BOBBY
Whatever. Just remember, this is our little secret. Under no circumstances can anyone know about it. If someone finds out, I would be removed from the ticket and who knows if the person replacing me would keep you as VP. If they find out during your term, you risk getting impeached by the other side.
HOWARD
Got it. Gotta say, I’ve never been part of something this high-profile, and I’m a politician!
BOBBY
And we need to talk about something else too.
HOWARD
What is it?
BOBBY
Your Presidency. I never wanted to be President. But truthfully, I don’t think our party would have won this election had you been the nominee.
HOWARD
Why not?
BOBBY
Your ideas are just...how do I say this...
HOWARD
Wrong?
BOBBY
No...uh...atrocious! That’s the word I was looking for.
HOWARD
Why am I Vice President then?
BOBBY
The party. Plus, my judgement hasn’t been great.
HOWARD
So what’s my Presidency looking like?
BOBBY
I can’t stop you from doing anything. Just giving you a heads up on what I think of your policies.
HOWARD
Are there any you feel strongest about?
BOBBY
I’d get rid of expanded health care for the elderly to start.
HOWARD
Seriously?
BOBBY
If I’m on my way out, I’m on my way out.
HOWARD
Yeah that policy proposition isn’t going away. What else?
BOBBY
That was the main one.
HOWARD
You know, something I don’t understand you.
BOBBY
Thank you.
HOWARD takes a turn and pulls into a parking lot.
HOWARD
Alright, we’re here. You think you have the energy?
BOBBY
I’ll say a word or two and then let you talk.
HOWARD and BOBBY walk into the venue. As BOBBY walks up to the podium, the crowd begins to clap.
BOBBY
Thank you! Thank you everybody! Thank you! Thanks.
The crowd starts chanting his name.
BOBBY
Thank you once again. I will now turn it over to Howard, the next President of the United States.
The crowd stares at BOBBY silently, with some gasping. HOWARD runs to the podium.
HOWARD
He’s kidding everyone!
BOBBY (to HOWARD, but into the microphone)
No I wasn’t.
HOWARD (to the crowd)
Have to appreciate his sarcasm! He really is quite the joker, you wouldn’t know it from his public appearances but let me tell you all, whew, he’s hilarious.
The crowd lets out some slight laughter, some nervously. HOWARD gives a long speech, the same one has has been giving at previous events. When he is done, the crowd starts cheering for BOBBY again. BOBBY does not come back out to greet them. HOWARD walks out of the building and finds BOBBY in the car. BOBBY turns to HOWARD.
BOBBY
Secret’s out.
HOWARD
Nah, I did some damage control. It’s all fine. Maybe we should scale back on the public appearances.
BOBBY
That’s exactly what I was thinking.